A peaceful evening

I have an English friend who - although he is not watching the European Cup football matches - is supporting Italy to win in the final.

His treachery is purely political. What with Rishi Sunak tacking on the England team's recent successes at the end of a particularly depressing financial report to which he was applying a rather lame positive spin, my friend dreads the prospect of B.J. shamelessly riding on the back an England win in the final. I know what he means, but I will try anything to lift my spirits at the moment and will do my best not to let anyone spoil it.

I would not go so far as to shine a laser into the eyes of the Danish goalkeeper who faced Harry Kane in the final moment, though. That just isn't cricket. Rugby is said to be a game for thugs played by gentlemen, and football a game for gentlemen, played by thugs. That just isn't true these days, although it is watched by quite a lot of thugs.

I was always too lazy to be interested in playing sport and now I am too mentally lazy to follow it with any conviction. Watching the World Cup and the current European one is horribly tiring, even if you are just sitting on a sofa with a can of beer.

Just before the semi-final, H.I. heard a strange noise coming from upstairs. It turned out to be the central gutter, blocked by gull detritus during a rainstorm, pouring water through the ceiling in several different places, all over bedding and anything else underneath it. I was cooking at the time so I turned it all off and squeezed myself up onto the roof, frantically unblocked the gutter whilst getting soaked and attacked by the parents of a juvenile gull which was  - also frantically - trying to get away from me without the ability to fly.

Drenched and covered with mud, gull-shit and god knows what else, I went back down and resumed cooking. I had had a particularly gruelling day at work and was very hungry. I was still cooking at 15 minutes before kick-off and still eating when the match started.

As if the stress could not have got any worse, I had to sit there and watch Kane shoot a penalty straight at the Danish keeper, only to score off the rebound. I would not have thought I could have survived all this and still stayed sane, but I think I may have got away with it - this time.