Oh dear, what can the matter be?

A football related story - in a way. I wonder if I have told it before. Actually, I must have told you this before. I would not have left this tale untold over 6,500 posts. I would not want to trawl back through them to confirm it either.

I once made a stone, lion-mask fountain bowl for Garry Lineker. I can't remember how I got the job and the only time we met face to face was when he turned up in his huge 4x4 to collect it. My assistant was putting the finishing touches to it when he arrived a little earlier than expected. Being lazy a perfectionist, I would sometimes be tickling something on the back of a truck as it was actually moving away.

My assistant was a bag of nerves at the prospect of meeting his childhood hero and when he ran breathlessly into the workshop shouting, "He's here!". I asked him how he knew. I had never seen a photo of him, let alone watch him score goals.

That job lead to another for the Lineker household. His then wife - Michelle - wanted a stone handbasin for their downstairs lavatory and I drove to Sunningdale to talk to her about it.

At the end of a leafy lane in the prestigious Berkshire suburb, I drove up to the electronic gates and pressed the buzzer. Their Indian housekeeper answered and let me in. As I made my way to the house what seemed to be a whole team of miniature Linekers stuck their heads out of the rhododendron bushes that lined the drive. All of his sons had come out to welcome me. I could tell they were his sons by the ears.

I was given a coffee and a sandwich, then Michelle showed me the proposed siting for the basin. It was in an an absolutely tiny lavatory under the main staircase. So tiny in fact, that Michelle had to go in first and sit on the toilet bowl whilst I squeezed in and closed the door behind me. I was locked in a toilet with Michelle Lineker. I don't think that many people can truthfully say they have done that, possibly not even Garry.

There are some perks to this job.