Just now, the phone rang. There was the usual long pause followed by an Indian man tentatively saying, "Hello?" as if he had woken to find himself alone in a haunted house.
"Hello," I said warmly, hoping to reassure him he was not speaking to himself.
"My name is Tom" (I have had calls where the Indian man has called himself 'Stephenson' before now - they are not very good at thinking on their feet) , "I am calling from BT Connect to tell you about a fault with your internet connection".
"No you are not" (I am not so keen on reassuring him now), "You are lying. You are a criminal".
"You are saying I am a criminal?" (He sounds as if he is on the verge of tears because of the accusation).
"Yes. You need to get yourself a better job". The phone goes dead.
This call centre scam has been going on for years now. Surely the most fuddled and confused elderly lady would not believe them after all this time?
The best one I had was from someone who was obviously as fed up with his job as I was him doing it. The Indian began the usual stuff about faults on the line, etc, but I stopped him abruptly by telling him to 'fuck off'.
"No. You fuck off! Go on, fuck off!"
He kept this up until I did, indeed, fuck off. The last thing he heard was my laughter.
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