Thursday 6 December 2018

What a job

Just now, the phone rang. There was the usual long pause followed by an Indian man tentatively saying, "Hello?" as if he had woken to find himself alone in a haunted house.

"Hello," I said warmly, hoping to reassure him he was not speaking to himself.

"My name is Tom" (I have had calls where the Indian man has called himself 'Stephenson' before now - they are not very good at thinking on their feet) , "I am calling from BT Connect to tell you about a fault with your internet connection".

"No you are not" (I am not so keen on reassuring him now), "You are lying. You are a criminal".

"You are saying I am a criminal?" (He sounds as if he is on the verge of tears because of the accusation).

"Yes. You need to get yourself a better job". The phone goes dead.

This call centre scam has been going on for years now. Surely the most fuddled and confused elderly lady would not believe them after all this time?

The best one I had was from someone who was obviously as fed up with his job as I was him doing it. The Indian began the usual stuff about faults on the line, etc, but I stopped him abruptly by telling him to 'fuck off'.

"No. You fuck off! Go on, fuck off!" 

He kept this up until I did, indeed, fuck off. The last thing he heard was my laughter.

23 comments:

  1. I wonder if they still find a few mugs; presumably they must do! We get them over here; French speaking Indians called Jean-Pierre. I go for the 'fuck off' response.

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    1. I get "Jean-Pierres" who are "currently on business trips in Ouagadougou!" I had never really considered it but next time I will try answering them in English - I get about 3 calls a day!

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  2. This scam needs to come to the USA. Or did I miss it?

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    1. A variation of the scam hit my mother's house.

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    2. Quite a lot of my scam calls emanate from the USA.

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  3. I am on a do not call list which is totally useless. The calls we get are the duct cleaning calls and I just hang up.

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    1. We have a good service which blocks unwanted calls, but only from Europe. Soon, that won't even work. JEZZUSS KRIST!!!

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  4. 02 and Giffgaff couldn't talk to each other today.

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    1. GiffGaff is O2. O2 rents space, including to Sky Mobile. I pay £7.50 a month for what O2 subscribers pay £28. The problem was with Eriksonn software.

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    2. I know. But I don't pay that much.

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  5. Here, a big scam that caught a lot of people was one where they said Canada Revenue Services were calling and if people didn't pay their taxes, they would be jailed / fined / arrested / etc.
    We've had Microsoft call us!!! Imagine that! -Jenn

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    1. Yes. I am constantly being offered tax rebates in the name of Tom Stephenson. I know they are fakes, because my name is not Tom Stephenson.

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  6. I never answer my phone unless I know the number. However, they leave a message with a phone # and tells us to call them back immediately because we are in trouble with the tax man. If we fail to do that, the government will be at our door to arrest us and we will be sent to jail immediately. Unfortunately, some people believe this message and are scammed out of their money and identity. I

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    1. They now use software which generates fake numbers which show up on your phone. Real companies rarely phone because of this now. If you ignore a real call the company will understand and make other arrangements before throwing you in jail.

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  7. We used to get a lot of letters from Nigerian princes about unlocking vast fortunes from foreign bank accounts, but the Nigerians aren't so stupid as to keep up a losing scam for very long.

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    1. The poor bloody Indians need the rupees for sitting in a sweaty call centre though. Still stupid, but it must be a living of sorts.

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  8. They ring daily for mr burton
    ." Hes dead" i say

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  9. "just a moment, I'll get him", I say - then leave the phone for a while until they have given up waiting. It saves at least one other from being so inconvenienced.

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    1. Funnily enough, part of the scam is to block the line by pretending to end the call while you test your line to see if it works. They never disconnect.

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  10. I shall remember to use that f word response in future. It is a word which, on principle, I never use. But there may well be extenuating circumstances.

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  11. We regularly used to get calls for a local hairdresser, I rang the hairdresser and explained the problem and got a proper earful for my trouble. After that we just used to make appointments for the callers. They closed down. I also had a call from a very obviously male Indian chap, His opening gambit was "Hello Missy, my name is Diane".I asked him to repeat it, he did, I hung up.

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