When you send things out in the world, do you go back and see how they are getting on without you? I am thinking about the bloggers who do not seem to care whether or not anyone comments. I admire their confidence - if that is what it is. I go back to a post regularly. I just cannot ignore it for about two days, or until I am side-tracked by a fresh one.
There was an painter who - rather ostentatiously - would put the final brush-stroke on his submission to the Royal Academy after it had been hung on the wall. He would then turn around and walk out without a backward glance. Howard Hodgkin was the complete opposite. He would go to the gallery every day and spend hours standing in a corner, watching people's reactions to his new work.
Many animals and birds do not care a jot about their offspring when they have grown up and left the nest. Their children suddenly turn into competitors for food or resources and run the risk of being killed by their own parents if they return. Buzzards are the exception. Last year's chicks will help with next year's brood, and so on.
In a way, it is a shame that families fall apart every generation in this country, but I would not have said that when I was 16 - the age I left home.
In a way your last paragraph says it all Tom.
ReplyDeleteNo longer do kids stay around their parents - it used to be grannies, mums and kids in the same street (all good for baby sitting).
Now we stretch our wings and go our into the wide world. Luckily my son and his wife have - after being away from here - moved back into the village next to me. I don't see much of them - they have their own lives to live - but it is nice to know they are there.
Incidentally I used to love Howard Hodgkin's
way in the days when I used to go down there with my first husband (who was a painter and occasionally had something in the exhibition). As to adding the last brush stroke after the picture has been hung, I would agree - ostentation.
I think most kids cannot afford to leave home these days. the best part of their income goes on rent and travel if they have an ordinary job. I sat in on H.I.'s last couple of exhibitions - 10.00am to 6.00pm - so I had plenty of opportunity to watch reactions!
DeleteI read your blog most days, along with four others. I enjoy reading the information about art and sculpture , plus some of your funny comments.
ReplyDeleteYou mean only 5 people read my blog?
DeleteI know a family who, once the kids left home, never spoke to each other again. It was as if the children had no parents, and the parents had no children; it continues to this day. Very odd.
ReplyDeleteWhat species were they?
DeleteNeanderthals, I think.
DeleteI once worked with a man, for 20 years in fact, who had two children and the family lived like hippies, no tv, no possessions, no luxuries, and when I saw him a few years ago I asked him how the children were. He looked puzzled and said they had left home years ago and how would he know. He didn't see them anymore and didn't expect to. It wasn't as if they had fallen out, it was as if they had planned it to be like that.
ReplyDeleteThat's dropping out for you.
DeleteI think that comments are a most interesting part of a blog- and very individual, if you read out one of them and I would guess, I bet I would be most often right. (For me they are sometimes time-consuming, as I have to translate - after thinking about what to write...) As to families: I am so glad that the connection to our son and daughter-in-law is very "innig" (a German word that is not easy to translate - maybe "with all one's heart") - and though they are in lovely Bavaria we have lots of contact; and what I am most proud of: I dare say that DiL and I are real friends - we adore each other. (Good for a mother with an Only-Son)
ReplyDeleteThe translation must make it hard work, Britta.
DeleteI only write about once a month, and because it sits there a long time, I get comments through out and are always checking back on it. I think that I am extremely lucky to have such faithful readers.
ReplyDeleteI know of people who are separated from their family and hold grudges. It is all very sad.
Yes, family splits seem to be quite common.
DeleteMy daughter, son-in-law and two pups live 1300 miles away, but we are still very close. We talk to her every Sunday evening for an hour or two and all four of them drive to see us twice a year. This year Kaitlin also flew to see us in July and she and our SIL will be here this weekend. (They realize we're not getting any younger and won't be here forever!) We take the train to see them every other year. We also keep in touch by email almost every day. They both have good jobs, and her career is a high-powered one, but they also make time to visit his family regularly --- that trip can be driven in less than a day. They are impressive (middle-aged) kids!
ReplyDeleteThat is more contact than I have with my family.
DeleteMagpie daughters stick around for several generations, helping with chick raising, too.
ReplyDeleteThere's a different thing going on in Sydney where it's too expensive a city for many young adults to start living their own life, so they stay at home with their parents even up until 30 and beyond. (Speaking especially of those who cannot countenance giving up all the fun of their adult life to spend every cent on a roof over their head). The relationship morphs into a sort of adult friendship but with some dependency-perks thrown in. Particularly for sons, they become sort of man-children. It happens in places like Italy, too, but it's unemployment that keeps them from leaving. Makes me wonder if and when they have kids, what sort of relationships they'll have with them.
That is interesting about the magpies. It explains why they are usually in small groups. Thank you.
DeleteReading the comments to my blog are one of the best parts. It can often turn into a conversation, too. I read other blogs (not so many publishing these days) and will always leave a comment. But some never engage or reply so it becomes a sterile pursuit and I stop going to those.
ReplyDeleteYes. I find it good to know I am not talking to myself and most posts are conversational for me.
DeleteI too like the conversational aspect to blogs and comments. I used to read and comment more regularly but got put off by other readers’ proprietorial responses to my comments to your posts. Or, more accurately, another reader’s comments, as though I had no right to express my opinion. Tant pis.
DeleteIgnore the fuckers. I miss you.
DeleteI was thinking of you at the weekend Tom...I was in Florence at the San Marco convent museum...I mentioned to my friend that I would be very happy to live in one of the cells and she couldn't understand why...I thought the whole place was beautiful. I don't post blogs very often of late because times for me are challenging and I am unable to either completely share or be in the head space of just being conversational...but I read a small number of blogs every day - yours being one - which I have always found interesting and fun and educational.
ReplyDeleteLucky you for being in the San Marco. I know what you mean about posting. I cannot seem to stop myself no matter - or maybe because - times are challenging.
DeletePlease add this 'how' to the above.
DeleteI wonder if it's confidence or if it's simply that they see themselves as the audience? I dunno.
ReplyDeleteYes. I am amazed at how many people read but do not write. They used to be called 'lurkers', but 'readers' is kinder. People only lurk to snipe, but most don't snipe.
DeleteI always read and enjoy your posts. I don't write because my life is extremely boring. Please keep blogging, you are such a talented writer.
ReplyDeleteWhy is it so boring?! It can't be that boring, surely. Why not just make things up and write about them?
DeleteI stopped reading several blogs because for a while they seemed to enjoy trying to be "poverty porn". Then suddenly circumstances changed and second homes, caravans, etc were being bought. All the while banging on about how poor they were!
ReplyDeleteFamilies? Our sons have managed to buy in the same subdivision as us. Surprized me. Our youngest explained it to us, as they wanted their future children to know their grandparents. Ours is a military family, so the children only saw their grandparents once or twice a year.
Unfortunately, my relationship with my mother is toxic. Before he died, my father told me to stay away from my mother and enjoy my life. She is an unhappy woman, never satisfied. Growing up, she made it very clear that she reented having given birth to me. My brother was always her favourite child and could do no wrong. I only hear from her when she needs or wants something. She has gone as far as telling me, that my sons won't get their great grandfathers medals because they are half German.
You try and protect your children from people like her.
Divisiveness seems to permeate everything in the world today. Trying to protect children from anything complicated is a worthy but ultimately futile activity, I think. We can all survive anything which affects all of us at the same time, except most wars. I would love to be more hopeful, but it's difficult at the moment.
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