Saturday 4 July 2015

The sinister side of Jane Austen


It is only July 4th, and I am already thinking about Christmas - you have to begin early when making videos and I may have left it too late already. I am starting to get ideas for another 3D video-mapping event for the pub, hence the above image. See yesterday's post if you don't know what I am talking about, or don't bother if you don't care.

Every year, I try and break the previous year's record by being the first person to mention Christmas on a blog post, and this year I have created a record which will be hard to break in the future. Mentioning it on January 2nd doesn't count. We are not even anywhere near the 'season of mists and mellow fruitfulness' yet, and by its mere mention, I have broken two records in one post.

Think chintz. Think robins on logs. Think snow and lots of it. Think fictitious Victorian childhood. Well that's what I am thinking anyway, in this 80 degree heat.

There is a shop right next to the Abbey here called 'December the 25th', and - yes, you guessed it - it sells nothing but all the crap everyone seems to go in for at Christmas. The music played in it is nothing but carols, Bing Crosby and all that sort of very seasonal thing.

When it first opened about 6 or 7 years ago, I gave it until just after the real December 25th to fold up and go bust, but - unbelievably - it is still going strong. I don't recall seeing anyone go in or out of it at any time I have walked past it, and it is now such a fixture in the street that I don't even notice it when I do walk past.

Maybe it imports guns from the Czech Republic, or cocaine from Columbia, and is just a front for some much more lucrative business - a business which sells stuff which people actually want all year round?

Maybe it is just the perfect corporate example of how - if you want to be unobtrusive - you dress as outlandishly and embarrassingly as possible so that people avert their eyes in shame as they walk past?

The Jane Austen festival is coming up in a few weeks. Last year, the 'Janeites' broke all previous records for the most people dressed in period Jane Austen costume to assemble in one place at one time, as about 550 of them promenaded through Bath, studiously ignored by the locals.

Maybe the J.A. Festival is the AGM for all the mules and smugglers associated with the December 25th shop? A sort of Christmas party for criminals?

9 comments:

  1. Your post made me smile. I had you beat, in my mind only. I thought of it last week. I am the Scrooge of the family, but also the one that has to do all the shopping, cooking and decoration and clean up. I dread it every year. I have heard of those Christmas stores here too. Couldn't get me in one. And, it will be 95 degrees here today, so I'll be stuck inside. But, I did get to listen to a far off thunderstorm, watch my goldfish in the pond, interact with the cats and caw to those damn crows I began feeding. I guess I sound quite the madwoman.

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    1. Everyone thinks about it - that doesn't count either.

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  2. Oh, the Horrrrrorrrr of Lebkuchen in the shops as early as September. Should we hand out a prize for the first one to spot one on a shelf in a shop? Are you really up for another video mapping project? The first one was great, but it seemed very stressful to be involved in it (judging from a distance here). Have you ever gone into the Christmas shop and hinted at buying 'one of their other goods'? That might provide some clarity. Oh, questions, questions, questions .... I had an energy drink this morning and feel like a race horse before the start.

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    1. When drunk, I think about making another video. When sober I remember the stress. There used to be a pizza take-away here in Bath which - when you went to pick up your order - if you asked for extra 'greens', would sell you smokeable weed. The pizzas are expensive enough.

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  3. The equivalent here is the 1940's weekend which is the last weekend in July. Everyone dresses in 1940's style - the women in silk dresses and fancy hats - the shop assistants in wrap-around pinnies and turbans and the men in army/navy/airforce uniforms - never anything less that high-rankingthough!

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    1. Nobody wants to be a private, eh? It's a bit like every time someone thinks they are reincarnated, they always used to be Cleopatra or Bonaparte, etc.

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  4. There was a Christmas shop in Brighton too. I seem to remember it lasted for years; maybe it's still there!

    Have you chosen your outfit for the JA festival yet?

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    1. Yes, tight pantaloons with a Saveloy sausage stuffed down the front - and nothing else. How long do you give me now that you never see a policeman on foot here these days?

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  5. If memory serves me right there is a Christmas Steps in Bristol with a pub of same name. I fell down them once.....

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