Tuesday 17 March 2015

Chocolate starfish


I put up a photo of a plaster cast of Michelangelo's David's mouth, and Chania put me in touch with a man in London who casts people arse-holes, because somehow it reminded her of him.

What I didn't say about any casts of anything is that they all - at sometime or other - have been in direct or indirect contact with the original, even if it many times removed. I always find this fascinating - a bit like the hands of movie-stars pressed into wet concrete in Chinatown, L.A.

The man who casts anuses also specialises in turning the positive outcomes into boxfuls of fancy chocolates. Yes, you can commission a box of chocolates in the form of your own fundament if you so wish, and give them as gifts to those who really love you. Just the personal touch this Easter.

Then I remembered how all casts and moulds have - at some time - been in direct contact with the original.

So you have to ask yourself, how much does the recipient of these chocolates love me?

38 comments:

  1. The shape of that one in your picture isn't quite right if the anuses I've seen are anything to go by.

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    1. You have to remember that the pervert who casts them makes the subjects lie on their backs. In situations like that, your guts tend to drag down on your sphincter, making it depressed, rather like I am writing this now.

      Who would have thought it would all come to this?

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    2. I always think of mine as sweetly rounded whatever position I am in.

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    3. I hardly ever thought about mine at all, until I got piles. Then I couldn't think of anything else.

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  2. I think I'll pass, I'm suddenly full...

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  3. More suitable, perhaps, for giving to an unobservant enemy who might just think that the chocolates are modern art.

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  4. I always knew there was a perfectly logical reason why I don't eat chocolates.

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  5. I may never eat another chocolate!

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  6. OMG, I never saw the chocolate version. I've only seen the brass ones. And only on Facebook on Valentines day. There was a brass one in a nice velvet ring box. A shock for the poor girl thinking she was getting a piece of jewelry.

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    1. Well it was a ring box. What did she expect?

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    1. Sorry Weave, I am now trying to imagine you shipwrecked on a desert island with nothing but bum-hole chocolates to eat. I'm sure you might force one or two down.

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  8. " Chania put me in touch with a man in London who casts people arseholes"

    For fuck's sake!

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    1. In my defense John, It pooped up on my Facebook on Valentines day as there was an article about it. It showed a brass A-H in a ring box. And yes it linked to a video showing how the plaster cast was made. A fellow does it on hi kitchen table. Tom has mentioned before the casting process and I was interested from an artistic point of view. When Tom posted the other day, I thought of it. And poor Tom does have trouble with his back lifting that heavy marble. He could go into making marble ones, though I think HI would protest this, especially on his kitchen table. I linked him to the article, I did NOT make a formal introduction.

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    2. It does make me laugh. I wonder how many people have gone from here to have a look at how it's done.

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  9. Replies
    1. WHAT?????? Is this John Gray speaking????!!!!!

      I know Chris is a church-warden or whatever, and I know you are newly married, but really...

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    2. I was going to suggest earlier that "John will know". Clearly I was wrong. Thank God I didn't say it.

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    3. Pray...ljust why would I know?

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    4. Prithee Mistress, why wouldst Sir John of the Wolds knoweth? Is it because he hath an fundament?

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    5. Thast he hath a fundament, and for sure he hath, and he hath seen more than a many fundament than I or thee.

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    6. Pray why would I see more than thee?

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    7. Because thou art more interesteth in the fundament than in my fucking cunt.

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    8. Rachel, you talketh of which you know fuck-all about methinks, and talketh from thine own fundament to boot.

      In these enlightened times, I would have thought that the excrement which spills from thy mouth would not bear such a resemblance to that which spills from thine own fundament, but it seems that thou hast had an pitifully poor education in the matter of tabard-lifters.

      Foresooth, I would have expected more from thee, but it seemeth as if thou livest in the Middle Ages.

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    9. Of cunts he hath no interest of that I am but sure.

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    10. Ahhhh.. The stereotype idea that all gay men like bum holes!
      WRONG!

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    11. Two guys to telleth me then but how was I to know?

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    12. You knoweth now
      Do notheth
      Make-eth
      The same-eth
      Mistake-eth
      Again

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    13. No John I won't-eth and trust that you forgiveth.

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    14. xxxxx to you both-eth here. xx

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    15. Well I'm glad that myth has been dispelled. I thought that John might fend off Rachel's insinuations by saying that - as a nurse of about 30 years - of course he has seen more.

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    16. I was in a little too deep for that.

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