Wednesday 14 August 2013

Voices in my head


Waking up at or before dawn for the last few mornings, I have taken to plugging earphones into my phone and using it as a radio. It drowns out the voices of the demons who have pestered me all night, and usually leads to about another hour of a strange sort of sleep, during which I have conversations with, or am lectured at, by various people from all over the world.

I actually tuned in last night when I went to bed, because it was early and I liked the idea of listening to the radio for a half an hour or so before sleeping, but - as is always the way - I fell asleep immediately and listened to it all night, only turning it off for an hour just before dawn, then turning it back on again.

If you listen to BBC's Radio 4 until midnight, it turns into the World Service. Various people who have been kidnapped and allowed a radio over the years, have used the World Service as a life-line, and it must be reassuring to know that life goes on without you in the Old Country, even if your name is not mentioned on the hour, every hour.

At some point in the night, I partially woke with the knowledge that there is a company somewhere which makes plastic toys for children which somehow keep track of the child by injecting some tiny sort of electronic code or bug into the toys, and the toys are made by a printer, in the same way that man made a working pistol by programming a printer which had some sort of hot plastic-spraying attachment to it which spat the gun out as you watched in astonishment.

At other times, I have been standing in the garden of Highgrove with Prince Charles talking away at me about farms and plants, never pausing for breath long enough to allow me to get a word of my own in. How rude.

Another time, I was standing in someone else's garden who happened to be a friend of mine, and he too was talking non-stop on a subject which I had no idea he knew anything about. Then - without warning - he suddenly admitted he was gay and had been living with his long-term partner for many years. This came as such a surprise to me that I woke up.

This morning, when I eventually got up, I found that I not only had an in-depth knowledge of all current affairs and world news (it's terrible what is happening in Egypt now), but I also knew the average market price of most agricultural foodstuffs - new potatoes in particular - thanks to 'Farming Today' but must have lost concentration when it was explained what a 'new potato' was, if it is on the shelf of a supermarket out of season. Actually, I have just remembered - it is a small potato labeled 'new'.

No wonder I am so bloody tired before I go to work.


14 comments:

  1. In my uni days one of my friends used this trick for revising. He would tape the lectures and then play them back, end to end, while he was sleeping, having spent the evening happily ensconced in the student union bar. It worked apparently.

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    1. At least he had a goal - I am being stuffed with information which I don't need, and there's not much room left.

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  2. How about audio downloads of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue to bewilder your dreams?

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  3. I do the same. When I go to bed I plug-in to my 'Gnome', and listen to either World Service (for news) or Radio 4 Extra (for comedy, plays, etc). I unplug when I get up at 5.30 am.

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    1. Bloody hell - no wonder you are an insomniac. I only listen by accidental default.

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  4. Sleep has become a nightmare for me.

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    1. That's ok then. Best not to let Freddie into your waking life.

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  5. I turn on my white noise machine, and I listen to white noise all night long.

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    1. Christ! I spend most of my waking time trying NOT to listen to white noise. Even bird-song gets me reaching for a gun sometimes.

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  6. "There is a single Old English word meaning 'lying awake before dawn and worrying'. Uthceare is not a well-known word even by Old English standards, which were pretty damn low." Tom - this book by Mark Forsyth, "The Horologicon" - is the funniest thing I've read for ages (before dawn :-)
    Now I started (in the evening) to watch (the complete) TV-series 'Foyles' War' - makes me dream of people that look like the photo above.

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    1. I fall asleep if I read more than two lines of a book in bed as well, Britta.

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  7. After I broke my back and had surgery to put it back together, I spent long hours listening to the World Service in pain filled nights before the next morphine hit kicked in. Same when my son was born and was feeding through the night. It's like a faithful old friend who can keep you interested, amaze you and bore you rigid all in one night.

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    1. Most of my old friends can do all of that too, and I think I can do the same for them. I hope you didn't break your back during the conception of your son, Em. That would be injury to insult, but not necessarily in that order.

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