Friday 12 July 2013

Tanks on the lawn


For our arrival in the little Cotswold village, Colin had put out a Union flag in the garden of the cottage. The last time Thomas had been here, he drove his massive military vehicle (weighing about 15 tons) all the way from Bremerhaven, and Colin mumbled something about 'parking tanks on his lawn'. This time it was the much less intrusive M.G.

When I first introduced Colin to a German, I took him to Hamburg where we met up with another friend Tobias, and it was Tobias who introduced me to Thomas. The first time they stayed with me in England, I put them in the same bed, as I jumped to the conclusion that Thomas was Tobias's new boyfriend. The next morning Thomas had a quiet word with me explaining that although Tobias was gay, he was not, so they slept on the floor for the next week and I went back to my own bed and kept them awake all night with 200 decibel snoring.

The first time Colin met Thomas and Tobias, he jovially said - after a few drinks - that up until this point, there were two things that he hated more than anything else - Germans and homosexuals. I am so glad that by introducing them to Colin, I may have altered his attitude ever so slightly.

Both of them being extreme anglophiles, they absolutely love Colin (as I do) and it is partly because he is the quintessence of an upper-class English country gentleman, of which very few are now left.

The thing which distinguishes these gents from others is that - somehow - although rooted in tradition and traditional, right-wing obstinacy, they retain an open mind about almost everything, which is why Colin has, at the age of 80, decided to take up the internet and emails.

Here is me, helping him to compose the 'fuck off' email which I found on my return to Bath. After he brought the laptop out into the garden, he couldn't understand why the mouse wouldn't work on the dirty, slatted wooden table. I got him a piece of paper to put under it, and it worked a little better.  Early days...

That jam-spoon is also in shot, and I notice that someone has plunged the whole thing into the marmalade without using the little hook on it's side. This could be my latest obsession.


19 comments:

  1. On an unrelated topic. Were you at the fresh air exhibition last Sunday?
    seeing this photo of you makes me this maybe I did espy you and may I say wearing the same flippin clothes- get a wash!

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    1. I'm still wearing the same clothes, but I don't recall being at any 'fresh air' exhibition. If your first name is Tommy, then I am amazed you even remember my clothes. Most men wouldn't. You will be relieved to hear that I bought myself a new pair of linen trousers today.

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    2. P.S. - I am the one in the blue shirt with no braces.

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  2. The MG looks impeccable, and the mug appropriate.

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    1. It became peccable this morning, when the fuel pump blocked itself somewhere in Holland. All fixed and he's back now.

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  3. Obsessions eh? You're getting those? Sign of old age setting in (from one who knows).
    Incidentally, had I known you then, you could have come to my wedding in your push chair.

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    1. We couldn't afford push chairs - or weddings.

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  4. I already love Colin. I think it's the suspenders.

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    1. In this country, they are called 'braces'. 'Suspenders' are usually worn by women with fish-net stockings, or transvestites. I'll tell him about you...

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  5. Is Colin famous ? ...... I'm sure that his face is familiar
    ..... and, that is a lovely rose ..... we have one that is out at the moment. It could be 'Rambling Rector' or 'Seagull'.
    ......... and, I love MGB's ....... THE sports car of my youth { or an Austin Healy} ....... a few of my friends had them, and one had an MG midget { not quite as cool !!} I can remember going to Kenwood House in our Art teachers MG and I was sitting on the back !!!! Wouldn't be able to do that now { .... ' elf and saftey' !! }. XXXX

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  6. It IS Rambling Rector. Well spotted.

    I, personally, HATE all M.G.s, even the large engine ones. They are a waste of bloody materials and they are all too slow to be called 'sports cars' - even the one with the big engine.

    My slow Volvo is twice as quick and ten times as safe as the best M.G.

    Sorry, but I bloody hate Midgets too (no offence, Sarah).

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    1. Oh, and as far as fame is concerned, he is famous in my world, but not necessarily yours.

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  7. Firstly I am not a bloke and please don't include relieved and lined trouser in the same sentence at you age xx

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  8. Sorry for the Typo. That should have read "linen" although lined is perhaps a Freudian slip.

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    1. Oh sorry, but you still haven't explained the 'fresh air' thing, though I did Google up an exhibition with that name. I wonder who my doppleganger is.

      The last pair of linen trouser I had were destroyed when a 'friend' allowed me to sit on a bench which he had just painted with dark blue gloss. It went right through, and right through my underwear as well, but that is probably more than you want to hear from a bloke of my age.

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  9. Yes it was the one in Cirencester and there were lots of beautiful exhibits. The gardens/ grounds were superbly laid out so all in all a really lovely day out. But there were lots of "your sorts" (x) arty and crafts-people.I go to a few of these exhibitions they are such value for money (low entrance) and it gives us Oiks a chance to see quality without feeling too out of place. People are chatty and friendly.There i another exhibion I always to to just a mile or two from my home it is called Showborough house always a splendid day out but only open for about 3-4 weeks of the year.

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    1. I did flash though Cirencester at about 25 MPH on the day, so maybe that's how you recognise me.

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    2. Is it possible to "flash" at 25 MPH?

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    3. Only standing up in an MG with your trousers down. Any faster than that and it becomes dangerous.

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