Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Friday, 12 July 2013
Tanks on the lawn
For our arrival in the little Cotswold village, Colin had put out a Union flag in the garden of the cottage. The last time Thomas had been here, he drove his massive military vehicle (weighing about 15 tons) all the way from Bremerhaven, and Colin mumbled something about 'parking tanks on his lawn'. This time it was the much less intrusive M.G.
When I first introduced Colin to a German, I took him to Hamburg where we met up with another friend Tobias, and it was Tobias who introduced me to Thomas. The first time they stayed with me in England, I put them in the same bed, as I jumped to the conclusion that Thomas was Tobias's new boyfriend. The next morning Thomas had a quiet word with me explaining that although Tobias was gay, he was not, so they slept on the floor for the next week and I went back to my own bed and kept them awake all night with 200 decibel snoring.
The first time Colin met Thomas and Tobias, he jovially said - after a few drinks - that up until this point, there were two things that he hated more than anything else - Germans and homosexuals. I am so glad that by introducing them to Colin, I may have altered his attitude ever so slightly.
Both of them being extreme anglophiles, they absolutely love Colin (as I do) and it is partly because he is the quintessence of an upper-class English country gentleman, of which very few are now left.
The thing which distinguishes these gents from others is that - somehow - although rooted in tradition and traditional, right-wing obstinacy, they retain an open mind about almost everything, which is why Colin has, at the age of 80, decided to take up the internet and emails.
Here is me, helping him to compose the 'fuck off' email which I found on my return to Bath. After he brought the laptop out into the garden, he couldn't understand why the mouse wouldn't work on the dirty, slatted wooden table. I got him a piece of paper to put under it, and it worked a little better. Early days...
That jam-spoon is also in shot, and I notice that someone has plunged the whole thing into the marmalade without using the little hook on it's side. This could be my latest obsession.