Friday 9 April 2010

Give Away

Here it is - the moment you have been waiting for - Tom Stephenson's fabulous STAR PRIZE - a lovely, little, Champagne glass flute, dating from around 1840, standing almost seven inches high on a foot with a ground pontil-mark, and with delicately cut facets and bands on the lower half of the bowl. It is in perfect condition.

This heritage heir-loom could be yours to love, cherish and use, no matter what part of the world you live in, so long as you fulfill the following criteria:

Er... make me laugh. Convince me that you want or need it. Admit that you drink more Champagne than I do (not difficult). Flatter me. Sleep with me. Offer me cyber-sex. Display convincingly good evidence that you are better at writing bollocks than I am. You get the idea.

The closing date for this is when I decide I have found a winner - so don't delay!

The winner just needs to send me a postal address, then I will send the glass (properly wrapped and packaged) as soon as I get my fat arse into gear.

You can either leave a lengthy/short comment here, or post something on your own site which mentions your consuming desire to be the owner of this prestigious object.


28 comments:

  1. Get your kit off, I'm coming over!

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  2. Put me down for the same as Lord Magnon!

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  3. That's a good start. Both of you are currently in joint lead.

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  4. p.s. Please see my current posting.

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  5. Just seen it Lady M. When I posted last night, I was half way through a bottle of the famous blanquette from the Limoux area, which - to my mind - is every bit as good as an own-brand Champagne costing 3 times as much. I have a friend who lives just south of Carcassonne and her grapes go into the cooperative mix to make the stuff. I have never been so pissed in my life as when I attended her wedding, as we had to wait 3 hours for lunch in the 85 degree heat.

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  6. P.S. for our American readers, I should explain that 'pissed' means drunk, not 'angry'.

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  7. Oh. I get it. This contest was tailor made for me, because I know I make you laugh and I'd do almost all of the other requirements only . . . it's just too bad I de-virignized myself last night and told the convent I'd be joining them, in, God is it really that late? I have to leave before the hour is out. It's a nice flute too. Maybe if there were two I'd call the convent and tell them to f*ck off. But it's only one, so . . .

    Seriously, it's very pretty.

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  8. You put me in a difficult situation, Amy. There is only one glass, but Lord and Lady Magnon are two, where as there is only one of you, and yet you seem to imply that you need two, making your claim to be de-virginised a little unbelievable. Still, I did not rule out lying, so you are still in with a chance.

    I need to know which of the other things you would not do, so you can do what is left. Let me know when you get back from Mother Superior's gaff.

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  9. In a swift change of plans, I've decided that I am not really me. And none of my posts have been real. I hope I (or whatever you call invisible people) haven't inconvenienced you too much. Have a good day in the real world.

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  10. In that case you are in a perfect situation to offer me cyber sex, Amy.

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  11. I thought we already did. Last night, remember? Oh geez, don't tell me that some other Tom Stephenson. . . Well, I'm spent. Saia-out.

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  12. This is a scam, isn't it? You've offered this incomparable, priceless prize to lure international terrorist leaders out of hiding to comment on your post so that you can find out where they live and sell the information.

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  13. There's an American university professor called Tom Stephenson, who hogs most of the airwaves right now, so I imagine you have done it with him, Amy. I am making inquiries.

    No, Mise, Osama bin Laden doesn't drink Champagne (any more), so if I were doing that, I would offer my priceless collection of goat milk cups to the CIA, for the going rate.

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  14. Tom,you look scarily like my dentist (on whom I had a crush at 16 - now very considerably older) and you look about to say "rinse please" which is hardly the most romantic precursor to Cyber sex. However I'm prepared to overlook this in the circumstances if it means I may drink from your cup. (Is this the one which runneth over?)

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  15. It runneth over now, Ticking - now that you have compared me to your dentist. Cyberly I ask you to rinse, spit or swallow - the choice is yours. See the above post. I'm an angel really -'Der weiße Engel'.

    Is it safe?

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  16. I just want the fucking glass Tom.

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  17. The minimal, honest approach eh, Heather? Now you've made me feel guilty for trying to get everyone to jump through hoops.

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  18. I'm just wondering, before I tell everyone I know about this giveaway, whether you'll be including an impromptu lavender sachet with the prize? I'd hate them to be disappointed if they won.

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  19. I am struggling to decide if the suggestion about lavender sachets means that you don't think much of the prize, Mise. If so, then you decreased your chances of winning it dramatically, but I will send you a lavender sachet as a consolation if you want me to, or would you prefer a bar of chocolate?

    Ok, it's not the oldest or most valuable of the antique glasses that I could have offered, but I'm not that generous, and I've sold most of them for large amounts of money. I think you've seen through my dastardly ploy to get more attention.

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  20. Not at all, Tom. It's merely that, in a certain section of the Lifestyle Internet for which I am an intermittent ambassador, no one ever posts anything at all without including a lavender sachet. The glass is a fine prize, and this, my third comment, constitutes my third entry.

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  21. Well including a lavender sachet if the glass was won by the Magnons would be like sending coals to Newcastle. I bet they have lavender coming out of their arses at certain times of the year, down there in France.

    'Lifestyle Internet' - now all that pink stuff and cookery makes perfect sense. I just didn't know what I had subscribed to until you told me.

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  22. If all of this isn't just a joke, then congrats to whoever wins.

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  23. No joke - well, it is, but someone will get the glass.

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  24. Again, congrats to the winner. Please take me out of the running, I already have too many breakable things. Take care.

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  25. Your heart? I have posted about 750 glasses over the last 5 years, and many to the USA. Only one was broken, by those idiots Parcel Force UK, who sent a glass to Canada when it was addressed to Australia, and managed to break it in the process. They refused to give me a refund, even though I had spent £75 in with them to do ONE SIMPLE THING - get the glass to Australia efficiently and safely. NEVER use Parcel Farce!

    I will take you out of the prestigious competition if you want me to Amy, but reluctantly.

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  26. OK, I've decided. Heather Cameron gets the glass, purely for the economy of language. Send me your full address Heather -

    tjstephenson@talktalk.net

    Sorry Lady M, but I thought it would be construed as favouritism if I gave it to you, besides which, you can drink the stuff out of Bon Mamman glasses where you live. I'll make it up to you, honest.

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  27. Lady Magnon's gone into hibernation. Was it something you said?

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  28. Oh dear - I saw the post showing the locked door and drawn curtains of the cosy cottage. I'll coax her out.

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