Saturday, 15 April 2023

Lesbian elves


Someone put this out on Twitter the other day:  "My heart goes out to any aspiring dystopian fiction authors who keep having their ideas stolen by the Conservative Party". That made me smile.

Thanks to everyone who put my mind at rest about a non-existent post that was supposed to have been deleted for obscenity yesterday. My worst fear was that I had been hi-jacked by someone who would actually write about what I only think of in my less worthy moments, then let me take the blame.

I have come to realise that one of the reasons that I am not writing as much as I used to is because of my twisted fingers. The middle finger of my right hand is now at 90 degrees to the palm, which means I cannot use it for all sorts of things anymore. It is constantly touching the the face of my Trackpad (a good alternative to a mouse) which can be quite dangerous if I am trawling through websites and find ones which need leaving as soon as possible.

The other thing I have found is that, when I am handing something to someone, they don't give me enough time to disengage my fingers which are still wrapped around it. This can be dodgy if you are passing them a glass of wine. People tend to snatch glasses I have noticed.

I have spent 70 years with straight fingers, so sometimes I forget to make exaggerated movements when putting down my own glass. If there is one thing worse than breaking someone else's full glass of wine it is breaking your own - especially when it is an 18th century valuable one.

Ironically, I can still use both hands for working with the tools of my profession (it's not a trade, he haughtily says) so I can spend hours without giving a thought to my deformity. It is as if my hands have been modified to suit my occupation, which is not a concert pianist.

I have just looked out of the window and spotted a couple of lesbian elves. You will have to take my word for that because I am not going to the trouble of photographing them and posting it up. I have just thought of an attractive title for this post now. Thank you, lesbian elves.

37 comments:

  1. I think Bill Nighy has the same thing. Well possibly. I am trying to imagine your finger. It could make a few things difficult in how I am looking at it.

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    1. Do you often try to imagine my finger?

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    2. No you haven't, but blogger has put all recent comments into a place I cannot get them out of or do anything else. I don't know what the fuck is going on.

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  2. I can sympathise with your finger. The forefinger of my right hand is badly bent from arthritis and there are things I cannot do. It's never the most painful of my joints, so I ignore it, but people do stare.

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    1. It makes giving people who stare the vees-up I find.

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  3. My comment appears to have gone into Spam.

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  4. I believe there is an operation you can have to rectify the position of your finger. If I were you I would get your name on a waiting list pronto as it could be quite a while before you get it, what with the state of the country and especially the NHS.

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    1. Even doctors say that the op is rarely worth having. It only partially works and then deteriorates again over time. Sometimes it makes it worse.

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  5. Loss of one 18th century wine glass due to a twisted finger should propel you to do something to correct the problem. Are the elves beckoning you?

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    1. Not much can be done that's worth doing. Luckily the elves did not spot me.

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  6. My father had this condition - I have forgotten the medical name go to the doctor and go on the hospital waitinglist.

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  7. My father had this condition - I have forgotten the medical name go to the doctor and go on the hospital waitinglist.

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  8. My father drove a truck (block, brick, then cement) for most of his life. After a while, the tendons (? I'm presuming) shortened up towards his pinky finger and his hand just stayed in a permanent cup shape, he couldn't flatten it out anymore. Your post reminded me of that. -Jenn

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    1. Sounds like the same thing. I can't clap or pray any more.

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  9. How could tell that they were elver?

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    1. They were wearing funny hats and their faces were green.

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  10. We may have something in common
    It sounds you have Dupuytren's contracture or what’s called vikings finger
    I have it too on my left index finger
    I have trouble picking up cups with my left hand

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  11. We may have something in common
    It sounds you have Dupuytren's contracture or what’s called vikings finger
    I have it too on my left index finger
    I have trouble picking up cups with my left hand

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  12. Not being able to use fingers or the whole hand is really awful.
    As to OPs I would not let me persuade when you don't want it and even doctors are not convinced. I am not advising anyone against an operation - I just say: follow your feeling.

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    1. By the way: can't you dictate?

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    2. I think in text when I am writing. Usually, when I speak I see the words written down. Dictation would not work for me without re-training.

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  13. John is right.
    We spend our lives contracting our ligaments in use and never stretching until it is too late. I couldn't do a handstand if I tried....fingers on both hands sometimes lock...

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    1. It isn't as straightforward as that, otherwise there would be a cure for arthritis.

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    2. No it isn't..but we don't help ourselves to start with

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    3. My work over the last 45 years has been all about abusing my tendons.

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  14. My same finger is quite dodgy. I refer to it as my trick finger. It prevents me from shuffling and dealing cards!

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