Saturday 23 October 2021

The wurst joke in blogland


This week I have been consulted by the man who advises The Bank of England. 

I was shopping in the supermarket when he called.  I told him I was busy right then, but I would call him back. I needed to focus completely on his problem and I was being distracted by the bewildering choice of sausages on offer.  You might think that a sausage is a sausage, but if you read Cro's latest post on the subject, you would know that it is not as simple as that. Very few things are.

Linda McCartney was one of the first to realise that sausages are the easiest type of article to stuff with anything suitably flavourless and kid yourself they are made of meat, although I just cannot understand why so many vegetarians want their meals to mimic animal products. It is all down to the seasoning. Salt, pepper and whatever herbs are used to make a typical regional sausage. Texture is more difficult than flavour.

Most cooks believe - as I do - that a good sausage must contain just the right ratio of fat to meat. Low fat sausages are no use to anyone (except Frenchmen) unless the meat is ground to a paste before stuffing, as they do with kebabs. The skins are less important. I would not go as far as the Germans though, who produce a sausage made entirely of fat. Their blood sausages are not for the faint hearted either. 

Then there is the question of what you want to do with your sausage (quiet, you boys at the back).

I find that cheap but well-produced sausages are far better for casseroles than the large, expensive sort used by posh hotels for designer breakfasts. I have a guilty secret, and that is that I sometimes crave Heinz pork sausages in baked beans. They are so far from a real sausage as to be not even in the same category, unlike Linda McCartney's.

I chose a middle of the range type of banger and went into the car park to return the call of the man who advises The Bank of England. He needs a new stone front doorstep for his house in London. 

30 comments:

  1. Try not to hang about, he might lose interest.

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    1. I was looking for a sausage joke here. Is there one?

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    2. Yes but I need to think. The wurst is yet to come.

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    3. I've already nipped that one in the bud with the title.

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  2. When the sausage has more preservatives and additives than anything else, why bother? There are lots of faux sausages in the stores. The new custom stone entry sounds like a great project. What period will the design carry?The sky is the limit.

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    1. Unfortunately, the limit to this job is below pavement level. I don't want to do it, especially since it is in central London and requires the use of a lot of machinery with no place to park it.

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    1. Ha ha! Sounds like a euphemism for hide the sausage.

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  4. I love those ‘ sausages ‘ in beans …. They haven’t been anywhere near a pig and probably consist of the scrapings from the abattoir floor but they taste lovely !!!!
    What do you call a girl with sausages on her head ?
    BARBIE !!!
    XXXX

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    1. What do you call an Irishman who has been dead for 600 years? Pete.

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    2. Two clean jokes …. Are we ill ?🤣😂 XXXX

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    3. A bloke goes to A&E because he has a lettuce stuck up his arse. The doctor tells him to bend over and then says, "That's just the tip of the iceberg."

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  5. Are you doing the Mary Berry dish as well ?

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  6. I like Heinz sausages in baked beans too. I have them quite often.

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    1. I sometimes fork them cold, straight from the tin with white bread and butter. I plan to live to 100.

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  7. Third try at leaving reply - Weave was making it today.

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    1. Ah. Sausages must be on the wind - or they soon will be.

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  8. Tom/Veg artist - yes I was indeed making Mary Berry's Sausage and new potatoe I did make it and it was delicious and the house smelt delicious for a couple of hours.today -

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  9. It's a recipe about sausages. I'll send you the link.

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    1. Don't worry, I have sausages coming out of my arse.

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  10. You've some tasty sausages in your supermarkets over there, Tom. Even at Co-op, I found both the cheese and meat selection to be (no surprise) far tastier than what we have at like markets here. In short, you've the best wurst. Har-har.

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    1. I quite often buy French's yellow mustard though.

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    2. The taste of that mustard reminds me of childhood. -practically all we had then.

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  11. One sausage to another, nice to meat you! trawled sausage jokes for that..

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  12. I have rediscovered those little half size tins of beans with sausages in order to do the weekly fry-up for my dad on a Saturday. He loves them and it’s so much easier to microwave one of those than to try to cook a single sausage.

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