I didn't find any mushrooms at Heaven's Gate, but I did come across this. There are bunches of flowers beneath many of the trees up there (I blame the name), but this is an actual interment - or it would be if they had buried the ashes. Now he or she will always be remembered as the selfish sod who took up a valuable seat which could have been used by a weary traveler who needed it more. Maybe in life they were the sort who left their hotel towel on the beach at 6 in the morning.
On Sunday, H.I. and I played a game of Crazy Golf at the park. All you really need to know is that I won by 6 points, but I am going to confess to an attempt at cheating which I did not get away with. It will be good for my soul.
We were on Astroturf green number 16 and I needed a 6 inch putt to drop the ball in 2. How could I fail? Here's how.
H.I. was expecting to take her putt a few seconds later, so walked to the edge to put down her bag. I lined the putter up to the ball and made a little practice movement to gauge the feel of it. Unfortunately I made a slight contact with the ball, but not hard enough for it to roll the six inches to the hole, so without hesitation I tapped it again and it went in. I did not think she was watching.
"YOU HIT THAT TWICE! I SAW YOU! YOU CHEATED! THAT'S 3 NOT 2!"
Initially I protested that it would have been a definite 2 had I not made an entirely understandable little mistake in practice, but she was having none of it and forced me to mark it down as 3.
It seems that I am one of those cads you read about in 1930s comic novels. I feel no shame, you see.
Perhaps that was the seat upon which a young woman sat while her beau knelt in front of her to propose? Or where an elderly couple paused so he could catch his breath, as his heart was failing.
ReplyDeleteIt will rain soon, the flowers will perish and be blown off. You'll get your seat back soon!
I don't blame the ashes, I blame the family.
DeletePerhaps it was the final act of a cad that cheats.
ReplyDeleteThe cad was beyond cheating by the time that the ashes were chucked down.
DeleteDidn't they scatter Lord Bath's ashes up there recently?
ReplyDeleteI would imagine there is a family vault somewhere. I have seen the pet cemetery.
DeleteShe's got you weighed up.
ReplyDeleteIt's pointless to imagine otherwise.
DeleteBut how many times did you get away with it?
ReplyDelete(btw I like the beach towel quip)
Only once, but it only takes a second to disgrace oneself.
DeleteI would rather they had been a little more discreet with the scattering if it was me.
ReplyDeleteIt’s a bit heavy handed ....
DeleteThe Frome area has more than its fair share of oiks.
DeleteDo you think they dropped the ashes ? A little bit unfair for people who want to use the seat .... a bit off putting !
ReplyDeleteYou need slapping across the face with a leather glove, you bounder ! I think you should buy H.I. a bottle of Champagne, beg for forgiveness and wear a hair shirt for a week ! Maybe then she will play a game of crazy golf with you again. XXXX
You mean accidentally dropped them? In a circle around the tree stump? No, I don't. My cheating is almost endearing to people who humour me - that's what I tell myself anyway.
DeleteIt does rain in Merry Olde, but even so. That shite turns into a concrete sort of slurry and does not go away soon. I've seen what water does. Best to make a hole with a spade and send the ashes on down. I must remember to remind my children what happened to "someone's remains", and I prefer a spade disposal. Though they do remain the final arbitrators.
ReplyDeleteMy parents have been feeding a rose garden.
DeleteThanks Joanne for the timely warning. Cheating never gets you anywhere, H.I. should win by default.
ReplyDeleteTell that to Trump.
DeleteLooks like you've been spammed, Tom. I wonder where and how Ketina would like her ashed disposed?
ReplyDeleteDr Wealthy will take care of them.
DeleteI thought you had to get permission to scatter a dead person's ashes in a public place.
ReplyDeleteWhen we sought permission to scatter my mum's ashes on a beach in Cornwall the condition was that it wouldn't cause offence or inconvenience to other users of the beach. You can hardly say that in this instance.
I once - along with about 12 other people - shot someone's ashes from a muzzle loading shotgun. We fired into the wind and the ashes rained back down on us. We all lined up to shake hands with the widow, covered in head to foot with her dead husband. Everyone thought it went off rather well.
DeleteAs it happens, having consulted tide tables etc for the best time to do the deed, it was blowing a hoolie at the appointed hour - my dad wanted to do it on their wedding anniversary. We all got covered in the stuff. I had no idea there would be so many big lumps in it. All the while I could hear my mum chuckling from somewhere far beyond. She always loved a good joke and, as the youngest of eight children, was an expert at getting her own back.
DeleteLumps!
ReplyDeleteYes, a melange of dust, grit and, without a doubt, lumps.
Delete