Well we can all sit back and relax now. There are going to be some very beady eyes on Boris over the coming few months but, as everyone knows, three months is an age in politics - especially now - and he has very thick skin indeed.
He has admitted that he owes the North East working-class (that is the easiest way of describing them, even if they have no jobs) a great deal by trusting him with their vote. There are many inexperienced Conservative candidates up North who have unexpectedly found themselves with a job. They were supposed to be cannon-fodder in Labour safe seats. They start work in London on Monday. Some may have to crash on Rees-Mogg's sofa until they can find digs on the outskirts.
Boris can now begin the reforms that were darkly hinted at during some quieter moments on the trail - the funding of the BBC by turning it into a Netflix style model, for instance. Any shortfall in revenue would be made up from advertising, I assume. Rupert Murdoch had been pressing for that for years, complaining of an uneven playing field on which to compete. Whatever the licence fee, it will be paid for by us as usual, the difference being that it will be forced to turn itself into a profit-making organisation so that the investors can pay for your measly pensions. If you are over 75 you will be paying for your pension to watch TV.
The NHS is in safe hands. Boris told us that, and we know he never tells a lie. He didn't lie. He just didn't say which country the future drugs procurement contracts will be signed with.
This election was a toss-up between a rock and a hard place, forcing the turkeys to vote for Christmas.
DISTRESSED .......... - *I've been tarting up our bedrooms .....* *This is an original Victorian built in cupboard in one of our spare bedrooms. Back in the eighties, we stripp...
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