I think that out of all of us, Weaver is the only one who blogs for the right reasons. She even titles her posts according to the day of the week. I think I might have strayed away from blog values more than anyone else. The clue is, once again, in the name - Web Log. Weblog. Blog. Geddit?
You are about to find out why I use this place to rant, let off steam, show off, let off, etc. I actually lead a very boring life which would have you contemplating suicide if you read about it every day. Anyway, you can guess most of it: Get up. Pretend to work. Go to the pub. Go home. Cook. Eat. Go to bed.
Saturdays is get up, don't pretend to work, go to the pub, go home, cook, eat, go to bed. Sundays is even worse. But today is different. I am not going to go to the pub.
I have spent all day designing an oversize business card which I intend to place on the silver salvers of Britain's most noble families in the hope that they might let drop some crumbs to keep me in the manner to which I have become accustomed during my long and uphill wanderings on the path of life.
I would like to show it to you but to do that would mean giving my real name, real email address and real phone numbers to all those people lurking in the shadows, occasionally showing a little too much interest in my personal life. To them I say it is always a disappointment to meet your heroes, so just be content with this description like everyone else.
The card is quite wordy because I want it to cover as many areas of expertise as I do, but not so wordy as to make me seem an arrogant sod with an over-developed sense of self esteem. It's a balance, I hope.
Another reason why it is oversized is because the British aristocracy smokes a hell of a lot of dope and they will think kindly of me for providing so much roach material. Country Life is fine for coke wraps but too flimsy to stick into the end of a joint.
It will be printed using thermography. When I used to have thermographic business cards, you would be amazed at how many people ran their fingers over the print to see if it was raised. People are impressed by those little details. It costs a fortune, but I think it's worth it.
Now, shall I go to the pub or not...
I bet my life is more boring than yours. Not wanting to upstage you but that's why I write fucking shit too.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I am beginning to think I shouldn't have written that comment and I shouldn't have put too on the end of it.
DeleteHa ha! I didn't even flinch at the 'too'. I don't want to say that maybe your life is more boring than mine - I don't attend philosophy classes for a start.
DeleteThere must be some sort of irony there that I actually feel the need to study philosophy.
DeleteI thought you went there to meet fellow philosophers - or maybe you take your Neiztche hammer and hit them to see if they sound hollow?
DeleteI am so shallow I only go to meet men.
DeleteI mean pick up men.
DeleteGood for you
DeleteMaybe you should study philosophy John?
DeleteThe two of you are a little wrong, even if your life is not interesting, the people you are are interesting, and luckily you are interesting people so we are here for you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a nice thing to say, Yael. I hope you know that we are here for you too.
DeleteThank you Yael.
DeleteTom, what makes you think I blog for the right reasons and you don't? Living alone, as I do, blogging provides one focal point in my day. There are others of course (not least meals out) but I am one of those people who likes order in my life - in the way I live, the way I keep the place tidy, and one of the ways of helping this along is to blog - and above all else it has provided me with a long list of friends - I don't expect ever to meet most of them, although I have met a few , but they provide me with connections.
ReplyDeleteYes, of course Weave. I too have found a lot of electronic friends here who I know exist in the flesh in some other part of the world/country. I have no desire to meet any of them for some reason. I suppose I like to keep things in compartments. Your blog is a proper log, is what I meant to say.
DeleteI don't think you (or Rachel for that matter, or Weaver...) are boring. I would not read you otherwise. I must prefer reading about people who are different than me, or live in other parts of the world, or do things I cannot do. I hope your new oversized, thermographic (don't even know what that is) business cards bring you continued and new work. -Jenn
ReplyDeleteThank you Jenn.
DeleteJust go to the pub Tom. I blog so I can remember what I did.
ReplyDeleteI didn't go tonight. I got bored there last night. I cannot remember what I wrote in the blog the day before. This is probably because I go to the pub.
DeleteBlogging under a false name! Is anything what it seems?
ReplyDeleteIt is only a false name to put robots off the scent. Real trolls will always find out who you really are, but that is no reason to hand them the details on a plate.
DeleteI thought I posted a comment
ReplyDeletePerhaps it was too boring
DeleteWell unless you were pretending to be Ursula, I didn't delete it. Post it again if you can remember what you said.
DeleteI'm going mad
DeleteSo you were pretending to be Ursula?
DeleteI'm not THAT fucking mad
DeleteHa ha!
DeleteYou make our lives seem boringly alike! My motto for three years: nothing to do and all day to do it.
ReplyDeleteMine has been slightly different until recently. Lots to do and all day not to do it.
DeleteIt would be nice to see the format of your proposed business card sans any real information. A sort of 'John Doe' at 'XYZ Lane', or whatever.
ReplyDeleteMay the new card bring in new biz!
I'm too young to lead a boring life, but, at present, I surely do!
I suppose I could do it all again with false information on it, but that would be far too much work. If I thought you could use my services I would send you one. I could send you one anyway, but that would men you putting your contact details up here so I know where to send it.
DeleteBeing a modern day slave or beast of burden, I have little time left to be bored. I can but dream of 'wandering aimlessly'.
ReplyDeleteI shall expect Charles to bring me one of your cards any day soon.
He likes to keep his prized suppliers to himself. Actually I know two people who do what I do who now display the feathers on their business cards by appointment.
DeleteI just read the post properly. I hope the cards get work for you. I looked up thermography to see what it is and thought if old copiers that used to get so hot and scorch. Artists business cards are usually crap so I don't have proper ones, just ones I make myself. In fact I might make some today. More like Tracey Emin sort of things.
ReplyDeleteIn general, I don't like homemade business cards, especially if they involve colour. I always make my own stationary, but I did spend 3 years as a layout artist for a print company so I think I can get away with it. You know that neon handwriting of Tracey Emin in a darkened room? That would work well in print.
DeleteI think you are right for yours to look serious as a skilled stone cutter but the artists I am talking about like you see here doing North Norfolk scenes and creeks are like they might be advertising they are a plumber or an electrician or a decorator. All wrong.
DeleteI love Tracey Emin's neon handwritings.
DeleteYou know I emailed you some stuff don't you?
DeleteNo.
DeleteI would love to have calling cards made. I did some cheap ones advertising my private English lessons a while back but they are too hideous to use socially.
ReplyDeleteI'll design some for you if you want. Tell me what you want to say and I'll email you a design.
Delete