Politics of resentment

Left, right, left, right...

You must all tighten your belts. Even I have forgone £2 million of my bonus for this year. That really hurts.

Everyone has the right to a university degree followed by an intensive training period (of two days) to become a barista for Starbucks. The red-brick universities are money-making machines. Foreign students are particularly lucrative.

People should be rewarded for working hard. £8.75 an hour. Take it or leave it. It's my final offer. There are plenty of other people out there who need the job.

It is everyone's right to own their own property. An Englishman's home is his castle. You can live in your parent's castle until you have paid off your student loan.

There is no better place to live than Great Britain. This is why all those immigrants are clamouring to come in. It has nothing to do with the war in Syria.

Britain is a centre of excellence when it comes to innovation. The trouble is that it is too expensive to manufacture in this country. Some of those workers want more than £8.75 an hour so we have to either get stuff made in China or sell the ideas to the USA - who seem to be able to afford the R & D - and then they get the stuff made in China anyway.

British Steel - not profitable enough. Far better to sell it to India. For a start, we cannot morally admonish them for polluting the environment in the same way that we did at the same time as we were milking them under the Raj. They are an emerging economy.

China floods our markets with cheap goods, and everyone who works for £8.75 an hour cannot afford to not buy them. How do they do it? Government subsidies and a workforce which is paid even less than ours. Apple's products are made in China, but are the most expensive computers in the world. You will never get a discount on an Apple product.

Sell the running of British prisons to G4. Don't spend any money improving them, otherwise there will not be enough left for the shareholders. If you are forced to improve the prisons, then get the government to pay for it - otherwise there will not be enough money left for the shareholders.

It doesn't matter which side of the political spectrum you align yourself with. These things are not set by mere politicians. Remember - your shares may go down as well as up, and all bubbles will eventually burst.

Think of it as pass the parcel. The music stopped with our generation.