Help yourself

I keep fighting the urge to spend all day in bed. This morning in particular, with the rain dismally falling outside. Every county around us seems to have had a good dose of snow, but we remain a dirty grey.

I do not want to hibernate for any particular psychological reasons, it's just the weather - the arse-end of Winter which has to be stoically endured for the few months leading up to true Spring. I have plenty to get up for. Today I will be continuing the bunny sculpture and later this afternoon or tomorrow, I am due to see the first edit of my little film. If you had told me what I would be doing today 30 years ago, I would have thought that all my dreams would come true. Maybe they have.

Similarly, if - also 30 years ago - I had been given a ten second glimpse of the interior of my current old Volvo from the driving position, I would have believed that I was going to die a rich man. All the gadgets, illuminated displays, sleek, charcoal grey dashboard with walnut trimmings would have played a cruel trick on me. Everyone expects this as standard now, and still there are people who say that our living standards have dropped to an unacceptable low. They must have forgotten the post-war years of austerity.

When I recall how I imagined my life to turn out from the perspective of a young man, I find that I was pretty accurate in my predictions. The main reason for this is because I have never been over-burdened with a keen sense of ambition. Neither have I been particularly competitive.

If there was ever a surplus at the end of school dinners (luncheon at Eton) and the boys were invited to form an orderly queue for limited seconds, I was so disgusted by the sight of people trampling over each other for a dollop of suet pudding and custard that I just stayed in my seat. I still would.

I feel the same way about money, or what you have to do to get a surplus of that as well. I think that all greed is rooted in insecurity. When you really don't know where your next meal is coming from, behaving gracefully becomes a challenge.

Most people begin with Plan A, and if that goes tits-up they revert to Plan B. I have plans which go beyond Plan Z, but this only denotes a lack of foresight, a lack of comittment, or a butterfly mind. I'm not lazy - I have spent about 40 years working extremely hard. So hard that my body is now showing signs of abuse. The thing is that it was physical work. I have just never played the game.