Shiney

Three days into 2018 will mean a few things of - if not life-changing - somewhat game-changing significance.

First, I hand back the courtesy car. Then I collect the latest Volvo estate bought in Stroud yesterday. Then I drag the iMac down to a little man in town who will completely wipe the hard-drive (having thoroughly checked my back-up), then re-install the operating system before transferring the contents of the Seagate hard-drive into it. What could possibly go wrong, apart from the car and computer?

I asked the Volvo seller if he would accept £100 less than the asking price, and he bit my hand off. He actually said, "If that is ok with you?" I now feel like an idiot for not knocking £500 off as a starter.

The computer mechanic operates from a shabby little shop which is littered with bits of old computers and badly needs a professional clean. It is the antithesis of any Apple store, anywhere in the world. They all look as though a doctor would be more than happy to conduct open-heart surgery in them rather than his usual theatre.

When I first began buying old Volvos, I went into Bath's official Volvo dealer workshops, and they also look as if they could be used as operating theatres without much modification. The mechanics not only wear white doctor's top-coats, but they are completely spotless. There was no trace of any oil stains on any of them.

I suppose that most modern car-mechanics spend most of their time on all the computer-controlled systems these days, so rarely have to get dirty. My previous old Volvo had two computers fitted as standard, and the latest old one (2002) has three. These days, most decent cars are fitted with Blue-Tooth and connect to the internet. This means that they can be - and sometimes are - hi-jacked by someone on the other side of the world, who can accellerate, brake, and open the windows from their laptops - just for fun.

I like scruffy, dirty and untidy workshops. They signify that the owner will be less likely to inflate the fee to pay for the annual redecoration and cleaning costs. I said to the computer man that I had a sneaking suspicion that Apple wanted me to buy a brand-new iMac. He said that they are very shiney these days, and glitter temptingly at you when you go into the well-lit, air conditioned, monochrome (white) shops to drool over them - much like car showrooms.

I like that he has the same, Scrooge-like attitude to computers as me. He hates iCloud, hates pay as you view movies, hates the lack of DVD slots in modern Macs and hates Apple in general for the grasping bastards with the will to control the world that they are.

Just think, for the same price as I paid for the old Volvo, I could have bought a brand new, shiney iMac.