Tuesday, 14 November 2017

To see yourself as others do


I think I might end up going all the way through life, never having grown a beard longer than about a quarter of an inch.

The thing is that my facial hair only really grows properly on my upper lip and chin, so the only beard I could grow would be a goatee. Have you noticed that elderly sexual perverts always end up growing white goatees?

I am not a hairy person. I have been out with women who are five times hairier than me. I like to explain it away by telling people that I evolved much earlier than most men, so my links to the kingdom of the apes are that much more distant.

A friend of mine has just grown a moustache. He looks exactly like someone's silly, fat uncle - which he probably is. I put on a false moustache once and everyone screamed with laughter, saying I looked exactly like the postman in a children's animated cartoon.

When I was about 40, the fashion was for 'designer stubble'. They even had electric razors to keep the growth just the right length. When you are over sixty and have stubble, it just looks like you have given up caring what people think.

Now, the fashion for young hipsters is a full beard. It is strange to see how it ages the wearer and gives them a gravitas which they may not deserve. I would have hated to have been a young man in an environment where Edwardian beards were the height of cool.

I do not grow facial hair because I do not want to look like an elderly pervert. I don't wear the hat for the same reason, but I keep having to remind myself that I am not gifted with the ability to see myself as others do.

I'm off for a shave.

27 comments:

  1. I'm with you on the issue of facial hair. I blame women: the only reason men do ANYTHING is to attract females, and if females would just refuse to date guys with germ-laden/food-catching facial hair, men would stop growing crappy beards and goatees and mustaches.

    The sight of a man stroking his beard actually makes me physically sick.And iIf my husband ever grew a goatee it would be grounds for divorce.

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    1. Ive just posted a video of youtube with me stroking my beard go and look take a butchers! please

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    2. Tart. (That's you John, not Vivian).

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  2. I have always loved hairy men although it is true to say I love smooth-faced ones too.
    Hubs and both sons are hairy, so not as far along the evolutionary scale as your good self.
    One son recently had his hair cut shorter than usual, which made his beard look silly – so he trimmed it. In truth it has knocked ten years of him.
    Older men with stubble, especially grey or greying, do not light my fires (I have several) for indeed it does look like they have given up trying – maybe they have, who knows?
    I think you should grow a goatee beard and wear a hat, maybe a bowler. And damn what people think!
    Anna :o]

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    1. Just sounds like you love all men to me.

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  3. "Have you noticed that elderly sexual perverts always end up growing white goatees?"

    how VERY dare you!

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    1. Oops. I was thinking of Garry Glitter, but you'll do.

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  4. Hate all the long bushy beards that are all the rage. Then again, it would be a pain to shave it all everyday. I wouldn't want my face to touch one.

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    1. Not much chance of mine touching yours.

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  5. My husband has had a beard { short ... a bit designer stubbley !! } since I met him ..... he shaved it off once and I didn't recognise him !!! XXXX

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    1. So you love him for his inner self then?

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  6. My husband also has a beard. He has one of those designer stubble things trimmers. But always looks odd when he uses it.

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  7. I would willingly donate some of my unwanted facial hair if you would like it!!!

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    1. Thank you Weave but I have luxurious growth on my moles already.

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  8. Did it bother you if the women were hairy?
    Nice photo.

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    1. Not at all. Give me a pair of thorn-proof trousers and a machete, and I will go where no man fears to tread.

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  9. I love, love, love facial hair like that on the chin and then up the cheeks. A little longer, a little thicker. It must be a freaking pain in the backside to set it up and maintain. Or, trips to the barber.

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    1. Or re-living scenes from The Godfather. I cannot look at hot towels now,

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  10. I really hate when men with long beards use a hair elastic to make a little beard pony tail. Gross.

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    1. Yes I agree. That is an unforgivable act of sillyness.

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  11. I haven't shaved for over 50 years, and shall continue not to do so. Having hair on one's face is a natural sign of being male. Razors are the devil's work.

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    1. That's fine by me, not that my opinion counts one way or the other. Your beard is so part of you that it would be wrong to take it off at your time of life.

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  12. I think that what I am talking about is men who cannot leave their facial hair alone. They have to play with it, shaping it into stranger and stranger shapes.

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