Water + electricity =

That fat boiler is being fitted right now, by a couple of very useful builder friends. I am hoping that this will be the last one I ever have to fit. Given my age and the fact that I am fitting a water softener to the cold inlet for it, I think it may be.

Of all the stressful things in domestic life, I find plumbing comes top. The closest I have knowingly come to having a heart attack recently was when I caused a minor flood by thinking I had drained the old tank before I unscrewed the old heating element to replace it.

The time I probably did have a minor heart attack before then involved both electricity and water. I was reeling in my father's old electric extension lead in the rain whilst standing in a puddle by my workshop.

I was drying the lead as it reeled back into the casing by wiping it with a wet rag. I did not know that there was a break in the plastic cable coating toward the end of the wire, and as it got closer to my hand I thought that it would probably have been a good idea to turn the power off first. That was when I made contact with the bare wire and, being fully earthed in the water, I took the full 240 volts with high amps between both arms and right across my chest.

I couldn't throw the reel away from me because my muscles had seized up in spasm, forcing me to maintain the grip on the thing which was killing me. After what seemed like  30 seconds - but was probably more like 1 - I dropped the lot, then sank to the ground with my heart beating like it was going to burst. They say that killing someone with electricity is a humane way to do it, but it really hurts. I now know this.

If I had not fitted a modern trip system to my workshop, most of you would never have heard of me, let alone be reading this.