Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Tuesday, 12 July 2016
The Dark Ages
We are still suffering from the effects of the Roman Empire propaganda machine, 2000 years after they vacated the islands.
The divide and rule tactics of the early invaders portrayed the British tribes as savages to each other, and their first meeting with us on the Southern beaches set the tone. Personally, I cannot think of a better way to scare the shit out of someone than to paint my naked body blue and stand in front of them screaming, but I would not do this every day when at home and not under attack. My family would only laugh at me. This trick only works with strangers, and it only works once.
A recent arial survey using laser technology (presumably more sophisticated than the display board of 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue') has discovered a massive farm in a part of Sussex which is now wooded over.
This prehistoric farm was comparable in size to a large modern one, and proves that we were highly capable of organised communal activity long before the Romans turned up and slagged us off. 'Prehistoric' only means 'Pre-Roman', but - thanks to them - is now a term which suggests a load of dirty people wandering around in uncured skins, scratching up roots with bits of flint and hitting each other over the head with clubs.
Only about 100,000 years or so before then, Britain was connected to Europe, and people could freely walk over here. When the unifying effect of the Roman occupation finished, we entered the 'Dark Ages', when Britain was divided into small warring kingdoms which had very little trade with the other tribes of Europe, and which viewed Scotland with extreme hostility.
Far-flung Cornwall, which had enjoyed a thriving economy by trading with the Romans on an equal basis, was suddenly thrown into a protracted period of grinding poverty as the tin market dried up.
It was 300 years after the collapse of Rome before the last of the Roman citizens either left, or became integrated with the British.