Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Sunday, 27 December 2015
Read instructions before using this medicine...
Last night I re-taught myself the lesson that Green Chartreuse should only be taken sparingly for minor ailments, otherwise it creates its own health problems the day after.
Every Christmas, H.I. asks me to get her a bottle of it, and every year I hold off drinking any until the last minute, then drink about half a bottle in one go. I am going to have to have a lie-down after this.
There is a whole film devoted to the monastery and monks who make it, called 'Die Grosse Stille', and this translates into 'The Great Silence', not the more appropriate 'Die, Gross Still'.
There are only two people at any given time who know the recipe for this brew - one is the monk who mixes up all the herbal ingredients, and the other is the abbot, just in case the other monk suddenly dies.
The great sacks of herbs are put on the back of a beaten-up pick-up truck and taken down to a commercial still in the town, where it is made and bottled in huge quantities, then distributed to alcoholics like me all over the world.
One of the herbs (I happen to know) is tobacco, which is probably the main reason why the recipe is kept secret. 'They' would most certainly ban it if they knew, in the same way they took all the fun out of Absinthe by banning the vitally poisonous ingredient, Wormwood.
I have just remembered why I chose last night to self-medicate - we watched the old black and white Hitchcock film, 'The Lady Vanishes', and at one point the main villain orders two glasses of wine for his victims and a glass of Green Chartreuse for himself.
I am so stupidly affected by advertising, even though I tell myself that I am not.