Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Tuesday, 1 September 2015
Mists and mellow fruitfulness!
Yesterday we were supposed to be going to Bicester Village, but if you were anywhere near the South of England, you will know why we didn't. So we go today instead.
H.I. says she needs a new pair of trousers, but - of course - she doesn't. She actually bought a new pair 3 days ago, but she still needs some more. You know when a child says, "I need that chocolate bar!"?
I, on the other hand, need to get on with some work before we go to Rome. I ordered a large quantity of cut marble late last week and, yesterday afternoon - a Bank Holiday Monday - Giovanni from the marble yard called me to tell me it was ready to collect! This has to be a record, or they are short of money and work.
When I was a kid, I hated this day, the 1st of September, because it meant a return to the dreaded school. I still cannot understand children who love school, or adults who say that school days were the best of their lives.
The best days in my school amounted to one - the one before the Christmas break, when we were told we could stop working and relax. Having to attend the Carol Service was a small price to pay.
For the first time in many years, the 1st of September has coincided with the first time that Autumn can be detected in the air. This must be to do with the recent weather conditions, as usually it occurs sometime in the middle, or even late August.
It is a subtle and feint (yes, feint, not faint) combination of scents and fluctuations in temperature and humidity. The hay which was harvested long ago is beginning to rot a little, the leaves are doing the same before taking the plunge, and the mushrooms are thinking about having sex in the open air.
The mushrooms. I have promised myself plenty of fungi foraging trips this Autumn, because for the last 3 or 4 years, other things seem to have got in the way. I no longer go shooting on Sundays, so that is no excuse.
So let me be the first to use this title - the one I stopped about 140 people from using unselfconsciously many years ago. Most of you don't need reminding about this, but I am only telling Shawn about it to let her in on the joke and save her from having to trawl all the way back through about 2000 posts to find it. Not that she would...