Wednesday, 19 November 2014

My flirtation with transvestism


Mise's lipstick post coincided nicely with a rare moment of mild transvestism on my part, when I went to the bathroom and put on some Mitsouko perfume last night.

"You know that is a ladies perfume, don't you?" H.I.'s voice betrayed a hint of concern.

Of course I did, but - in her defence - she does tend to prefer perfumes which could easily be worn by both sexes without fear of gender confusion in the blind - warm, woody, evening scents at the other end of the spectrum from the citrus-sweet, girly ones as worn by slappers on their nights out. Actually, there is one perfume worn by them which smells like rotten cheese.

Occasionally, on a warm Summer day, I will splash on a bit of Koln Wasser, and justify it by saying that if it was masculine enough for Napoleon to use on the battlefield, then it is manly enough for me to take to work.

I stopped H.I. from throwing away the bottle of Mitsouko a couple of years ago for being too old. I said that the only thing that age does to perfume is evaporate it, and if there is still half an inch left in a 20 year-old bottle, then it will be just as good as ever.

Mise was saying the same thing that H.I. says constantly, and that is about the infuriating way that as soon as you have found something which really suits your needs, requirements and aspirations, it goes off the market.

How many time have we rushed to buy something which has just been restocked before it runs out again because people bulk-purchase it for fear of it running out, only to be told it will never be stocked again because there is no demand for it?

The manufacturers of these products kid themselves that they create the demand for their stuff by setting seasonal trends for it but, in reality, all that happens is that they occasionally hit it right but find there is not enough volume in the sales to justify its continued manufacture. The bulk of their sales come from slappers who go to nightclubs smelling of rotting cheese.

Of course, if you are prepared to spend £2000 on a small bottle of classical perfume, then you will always be able to buy it, so long as you can afford the air-fare to Paris as well.

Talking of cheese, a couple of years ago, Waitrose stocked a medium-hard, white cheese which was packed full of finely chopped Perigord truffles. It was so ridiculously expensive that they couldn't sell any of it, so they reduced the price to the mouse-trap Cheddar level, and I bought the lot.

That was never re-stocked either, and I wonder if the producer went out of business.

(I am trying out the John Gray technique of titling, and I bet a lot of people at least read the first line of this...)

22 comments:

  1. Well I should have known better...I was suckered in!

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  2. Look how many people rushed off to buy powerful vacuum cleaners, lightbulbs, etc. Maybe HP Sauce could try telling everyone that production is ending..... no maybe not; they'd probably just cheer.

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    1. HP did, when they sold it to a Dutch company.

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  3. Good to see this topic taken so seriously, as is its due, and I plan to try Mitsouko next time I pass a perfume counter. I've always liked a gentle hint of jasmine.

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    1. I don't recall Jasmine, just game stew.

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  4. Actually the photograph is a remarkable likeness I think.

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    1. If you weren't so old, or I was Rachel, I'd tell you to fuck off, Weave. As it is, I have to agree with you!

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    2. I would never tell Weave to fuck off and you know it. You get told to sometimes because you bloody ask for it.

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    3. I know - that's why I thought this comment (to Weaver and not YOU) was quite funny, and I am hoping she finds it funny as well - without YOUR help.

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    4. Did you expect me to ignore it?

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    5. Honestly if I ever meet the pair of you, I will slap you both until you both bleed
      X

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    6. If you do meet the pair of us, it won't be at the same time and in the same place, I can assure you!

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  5. They did the same thing with salad cream if I remember correctly. I am not much of a one for perfume myself - it makes me sneeze - but as long as you are happy in your own little way - who am I to judge.

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    1. Salad cream makes me sneeze too, Elaine.

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    2. They didn't do it, they threatened to once but there was such an outcry they withdrew the threat. What made the cucumber blush? She saw the salad dressing.

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. Actually perfume can go off especially if left in humidity or sunlight. Never store perfume in the bathroom. But I congratulate you on wearing women's perfume. And of course this gets me totally revved up as it is right up my alley, and I really want to know what else HI wears.
    Oh there is a perfume you need to try called "Secretions Magnifiques" I puked in little my mouth. I then did a smell test with friends - most of the women nearly threw up yet the guys didn't mind it at all. Google Katie Puckrik + Secretions Magnifiques for Katie's great youtube video about her experience w/it.

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    1. Can it? Oh well, this bottle has been in the bathroom for about 30 years, but still smells pretty much the same.

      I think I may have been an unwitting donor for Secretions Magnifiques in the past.

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  8. Husband, who mostly does the everyday-shopping (I am too occupied by chasing endangered lipsticks/eyeshadows/perfumes etc) complains about supermarkets that so very often change the placement of their products.

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    1. Yes, supermarkets hide their goods on a daily basis to try and change our 'grazing habits'.

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