Monday, 6 October 2014

Where are the Hattatts?


A little birdie told me that they may have made a trip to Brighton recently, and if I find they have slipped in and out of the country without coming to Bath, then I will have a hissy fit.

Actually, they have a good reason to come to Bath, I know, but if they come here without looking me up, then my hissiness will know no bounds.

It's not that the rest of you do not keep me more than entertained, but the Hattatts add a certain glitz to the proceedings which can normally only be obtained by spending about £25 on a gin and tonic at The Ritz.

Thinking about it, I wonder if actually meeting them would destroy the magic. I would be horrified if the first words exchanged were said in a South London - or worse, Brummie - drawl, and their footwear was not of the finest quality.

Right now the weather is not suitable for a Panama hat, but it was the day before yesterday. If Lance turned up in one of those fakes imported from China which cost about £8, I don't think I would ever speak to him again.

I know that Jane used to be the Head Mistress of a girl's school, but which one? What if it were in Dagenham?

OMG - now I think about it, if they - or you - ever met me, then my mystique would probably be lost forever as well, once you realised quite how seedy and sordid my real life is.

Lets just stay where we are and form our opinions about each other from a great distance.

IFORD MANOR!

43 comments:

  1. I have just made an awful discovery. When looking for the above photo, that crappy advertising music came from their blog site - the same tune that haunts Weaver's blog - "This is what you want, this is what you get..." It's the beginning of the end.

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  2. Don't worry, having met you about 40 years ago... I shall say NOTHING!

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    1. You haven't witnessed the august patina I have acquired in the intervening years.

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  3. Your friends The Hattatt's might well be enjoying themselves at http://www.ballyfin.com/Home.aspx

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    1. I think I could enjoy myself there as well.

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    2. At 900 Euros a night, I would be shocked if you didn't.

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. I dread to think what you wrote here if even you deleted it.

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    2. What I am capable of! I am telling you it was nothing.

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  5. Fuck the Hattys. They are a Mills and Boon spin off based on the life of Barbara Cartland.

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    1. Hello Rachel,

      You must be saddened to know that we are alive and well.

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    2. Hello H, I am never saddened to know that someone is alive and well. I never got to speak to Barbara Cartland in time so I am happy to speak to you, I wont say as the next best thing, but nearly. I know Tom will be so happy to hear from you when he gets home from work. Love Rachel

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    3. PS I cant help noticing in your reply that you taught in Birmingham. How strong is your accent, I do so love to hear a strong Birmingham accent?

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    4. Are you still on holiday, Rachel? Have you left the house yet? Are the curtains drawn back? Are you eating enough?

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    5. Yes thank you Stephenson, you will be relieved to hear that I am on holiday for another week. I have had fish and chips for tea on the way back from the station (so I am eating well) after my day out in London.

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    6. Ah yes, Auerbach. I just read your review.

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    7. By the way, I'm sorry for what I said about your friends here today.

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    8. You are a bit cruel toward them, Rachel. Even flamboyant and outspoken hedonists have feelings, you know. I don't know why you are apologising to me about it, though.

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    9. I don't know how else to tell them so I am telling you as the next best thing.

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    10. It was you I was attacking not them.

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  6. I came to Bath today. It was pissing with rain. I didn't come and see you because you would have been disappointed. I was wearing cheap shoes.

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    1. In rain, it is best to wear cheap shoes than good ones which will be ruined by it. Anyway, this rule about footwear only applies to the Hattatts.

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  7. Darling Tom,

    Of course, the mere mention of Iford Manor, let alone seeing it emblazoned in bold capitals, is enough to reel us in.

    Your sources are correct in that we did make a flying (literally) visit to Brighton and back in order to deal with affairs of state. It did not involve our coming anywhere near Bath otherwise, of course, we should have popped in as we now have a matter of mutual interest to discuss. If you were to provide an address, it would simplify no end the matter of popping in although we would assume that from the merest hint of a description anyone who is anyone on the streets of Bath would surely point us in the right direction.

    However, it is more cultural pursuits which have kept us away from the computer screen. The unveiling of a commissioned painting together with lunch for sixteen in the dining room, the visit to Budapest of blog chums and other friends with accompanying city tours, Opera visits, concerts and studio visits, taking part in the VIP programme of Gallery Weekend Budapest, arranging a series of salon concerts for our young musician friends here in Budapest to raise funds for their studies, attending the Vienna Contemporary Art Fair with the ritual of an amazing Wiener Schnitzel at Figlmuller and making preparations for the Art Market Budapest Programme which will open on Wednesday have occupied us somewhat.

    The Girls' School was in Birmingham and the Panama hat is the real deal from a wonderful old hat shop here in Budapest. Our shoes are rarely of the highest quality....bought more for their ability to stand out in a crowd rather than being waterproof! All fur coats and no knickers as our mothers would have said!

    We return shortly to the UK.......Penzance being the destination......but that is quite another story.

    And now, having recapped on our adventures, we have been saddened to read of your health concerns. We hope that the way forward will reveal itself which will enable you to inspire and train someone to carry some of the load which, we imagine, can be overwhelming at times. Whatever, we are certain that you have unique talents, skills and ideas which will make your shoes impossible to fill.

    B****r the mystique.....we should love to meet you and H.I.

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    1. P.S. We have no idea why our blog should be playing a tune. If we had a hand in it....which we do not...then it would be trilling out Brahms or Beethoven or even something from Puccini or Verdi. Is, perhaps, the merry tune following you, darling Tom?

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    2. Hey J and L: Your blog doesn't play a tune for me. I think perhaps that Tom is special.

      (Nice to see you two as you have been missed)

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    3. Your list of things to do would have put Barbara Cartland to shame - I am impressed.

      Birmingham is a perfectly acceptable place to have a girl's school. I expect that elocution lessons were mandatory. (I'm only joking of course, I actually like the Brummie accent).

      I like the idea of fur coat and no knickers - it has an almost tactile feel to it.

      Well, Penzance is almost as far away as Budapest, so I doubt that you will call in that time either. I'll send you my phone number, just in case, but little H knows how to get hold of us.

      Good old Iford Manor - works every time.

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    4. P.S. I am now worried that the tune maybe in my head - or worse - on my machine...

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    5. P.P.S. I have an 18th century candlestick which used to belong to Barbara Cartland.

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    6. I met her by mistake in Hyde Park once... she smelt of pink talc.

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    7. Who were you expecting to meet?

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    8. Anyone but her; I seem to remember that her Royce was pink too!

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    9. At the time of THE Royal Wedding when she wasn't invited, Private Eye had a great cover which superimposed her picture poking her head around the door of Westminster Abbey, shouting "COOOEEE!"

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  8. It is always a good idea to keep a little mystery.

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    1. I bet you say that to all the boys, Weave.

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  9. The Hattats could never disappoint. I am convinced that they are like crystal chandeliers in a world of disco balls.

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    1. Well, it's a world of balls, anyway.

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    2. Usually masked ones, before you jump to conclusions...

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