Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Friday, 19 September 2014
"If at first..." (Robert Bruce)
The massive electrical storm which rumbled and crashed its way across the West of England last night, is now rumbling over the East and out to sea, having rumbled over the Palace of Westminster as they sat up all night to hear the outcome of the Scotland vote. I cannot tell what God was trying to say about it, but - like the Queen - he is supposed to be neutral, I think.
The whole of the South of England was affected by this tempest, and it lasted for as long as the coverage of the Yes/No vote took to decide who had won.
My suspicions have now been officially confirmed: Just under half of all Scots hate the English, the other half cannot afford to hate us and 10% haven't got the energy to say one way or the other.
What an unbelievable turn-out, though - almost 90% across the country. There were about 5000 spoilt ballots, but that is probably to do with how drunk they were on party-night. The 10% who did not turn up at all probably reflects various elderly, infirm or isolated people who found it impossible to vote. I think we can see it as an effective 100% turn-out.
The last ballot to be declared was for the Highlands and Islands - even in these days of modern communication, there are some places up there which are very hard to get to, or get back from.
Glasgow voted 'yes' and Edinburgh voted 'no'. That was the least surprising outcome of the whole event. Edinburgh is made up of about 50% English ex-pats anyway, who failed to return from the Fringe festivals of the last 20 years or so.
The Royal Bank of Scotland is the only establishment which is allowed to say, 'it's business as usual', because now they don't have to spend a few more billions of pounds of your money moving their head office down South.
For Westminster, it is the beginning of years of hard work to fulfil the last-minute promises made in desperation as they panicked about the possible 'yes' outcome on the advice of the pollsters, who had gone around various pubs and bars, asking drunk people what they thought about it.
About a year ago, Cameron said something like, "Go on then - have your little referendum and then come crawling back!" Everyone laughed in derision, never dreaming that Scotland felt so strongly one way or the other.
This was why they left it to the last couple of weeks to even begin to think of the implications of a split - they never thought they would have to!
I have to say that I am greatly relieved, and I actually felt quite emotional at about 6 o'clock this morning when the results became clearer. I would have felt emotional either way, I think, and this surprised me. Maybe I was just tired.
Despite what Hollywood tells you, nobody ever shouts "FREEDOM!" when they are being disembowelled.