Friday 11 July 2014
Exquisite bollocks
I have often thought about compiling a collection of the sort of romantic, heartwarming and reassuring advertising blurb that you find on the backs of Scotch Whisky bottles - you know, the ones which have descriptions of pure mountain springs, filtered through smokey peat bogs (though they wouldn't actually say the word 'bog') and age-old oak casks languishing for years in a 17th century still-house with white-washed walls - printed over a semi-opaque photo of a loch-side, picturesque castle...
Well, I bought a couple of bottles of Shepherd Neame, 'Brilliant Ale', and was delighted to see that Britain's Oldest Brewery - based in Faversham, Kent - has their own equivalent.
"Inspired by tales of sunshine striking the brewhouse of Britain's oldest brewer. Legend has it our brewers were first moved to create Brilliant Ale by the vision of the bright, early morning sun sending golden shafts of light onto our solid oak mash tun."
Have you ever heard such a wonderfully unlikely load of old bollocks in your life?
I love it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Takes one to know one x
ReplyDeleteJust the one?
DeleteI saw a load of old bullocks in a field this morning while I was out on my bike...
ReplyDeleteVillage bike?
DeleteI drink it, I don't read the labels.
ReplyDeleteYou probably can't read the labels.
DeleteOoooch
DeleteI meant after she has finished drinking the contents.
DeleteMy old Aussie mate Jock told me of an Aussie beer that advertised by saying 'It get's you drunk'. Honesty pays.
ReplyDeleteHow charmingly Australian. Their 'Quick-Start' spray is called, 'Start yer Bastard!'.
DeleteOooh, a version of Komorebi!
ReplyDeleteYou'll have to explain.
DeleteCheck my last blog post
DeleteAh. I am a little wiser, but not much. I don't even know who made this word up, for instance.
DeleteThe Japanese!
DeleteOh, those completely unhinged and unbalanced nut-cases. Why do we respect the Japanese so much? They are all - without exception - insular and in-bred sociopaths with some very strange habits indeed.
DeleteBut they have pretty words
DeleteAnd they all sound like the seaweed they are so fond of for breakfast.
DeleteWhy would they print young bollocks?
ReplyDeleteAsk John.
DeleteI never expected to see that adjective and that noun printed together as in your last sentence Tom. I certainly don't fancy drinking that.
ReplyDeleteI bet you downed a few in the past.
DeleteHa! This is how serious people write about fashion almost all the time, a bit of the emperor's new clothes. I'm so glad that you get a taste of it here.
ReplyDeleteI know - I love reading the ingredients of perfume too - 'Aqua' for tap water, for instance.
DeleteThat's a particular favourite of mine along with anything at all written by the people at L'Oreal. What the fuck does Men Expert mean?
DeleteIt means more to me than 'Women Expert'.
DeleteWomen are just 'worth it' apparently, but not experts.
DeleteThere is a website that rates beers. The Brilliant Ale is described as having a "dry hoppy finish".
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't disagree with that. It reminds me of sunbeams striking an old oak mash tun too...
DeleteAnd DrinkBritain.com recommends to hold a buttercup under your chin to get an idea of the color of this particular beer. I didn't realize that drinking is such serious business.
ReplyDeleteAnother piece of inspired bollocks. Cider is definitely better with Rosie too.
Delete