Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Own up if it is you


The entire Board, plus a quorum of members at the pub's first AGM, held in the Spiegeltent currently up and running for the Bath Fringe Festival, but soon to be dismantled and returned to mainland Europe.

These marquees were popular in Germany at the turn of the 19th century, and the first one to come to Bath was reputedly a venue for Marlene Dietrich. It was much prettier than this one, but I don't think we could afford it any longer. They come on a lorry with driver and helper, and cost - I think - £40k a go.

Changing the subject a little, I was walking down the street the day before yesterday and I passed a very tall woman (I am pretty sure it was a woman, anyway) and as we were alongside, she licked her lips in a theatrically lascivious way whilst staring straight into my eyes. My first response was nervous laughter, and she laughed as well.

About 30 feet further along, I stopped to turn around and look at her again, and she had done the same thing, but with a very provocative smile on her face.

I was hoping and praying that she was a tourist - she had a camera - but when I was leaving the supermarket at around 9.00 am this morning, she was coming in. She gave me another knowing look, but I don't know what she knows that I don't.

I am a bit worried. She is about the same height as me, but heavier built, younger and probably fitter. I don't think I could outrun her.

Help!

38 comments:

  1. You may have just experienced what most women do every day.

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    1. My god - I hadn't thought of that. I laughed the first time, albeit nervously, but every day... I feel for you. Normally my ambition is to simply feel you.

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    2. When I say 'you', I am - of course - talking about womankind in general, not Ms Toa specifically (despite that Google Streets picture).

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  2. Consider to turn to your gender equality officer?

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    Replies
    1. There's enough officers around already.

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  3. Did you throw away the avocado tray mask? Pity.

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    Replies
    1. Yes. I think to have worn it might have made matters worse.

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  4. Don't you fancy her then?

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    1. No more than I would fancy a prostitute who stands by the side of the road, lifting her skirt up, no.

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  5. And you didn't recognise me? Shame on you!

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    Replies
    1. Your arse is bigger than hers - I know.

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  6. Just can't resist: Was her name Lola?

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  7. She didn't have a pirate liking friend perchance?

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    Replies
    1. I'm going to have to think about this one - I'm a bit slow in some areas.

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  8. It's funny and scary, all at the same time! If you see her again, try to take a photo of her (secretly, of course). I'm dying to see what she looks like.

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    1. Secretly?! Are you kidding? I'm trying not to look at her at all, let alone set a flash off in her face. Maybe an up-skirt shot.

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    2. Now that I've had some time to think about it … Is there any chance that you had a milk mustache or some remainder of Nutella on your face? All that licking may have been an attempt to tell you that you had something stuck to your lips.

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    3. I probably had Nutella smeared around some part of me, but it wasn't my lips.

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  9. It's either your lucky day, a ladyboy or it's Rachel !!!! XXXX

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  10. don't go to waitrose! She might be near the fresh baked goods, lurking in that weird area where they seem to put seasonal carp, she might jump out of you!

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    Replies
    1. Unexpected baggage in the item area.

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  11. She's just signed up as follower number 131. Watch out she's behind you..

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    Replies
    1. Have I got 131 now? I'm going to have to check.

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  12. I have seen a photo of this woman
    See
    http://www.80spicturehouse.co.uk/halloffame/hall-of-fame-1-anne-ramsey

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    Replies
    1. Hmm. That would be less frightening.

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  13. OMG …. Rachel is right …. it does seem odd that you have a new follower …. today of all days !! XXXX

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    1. I'll get back to you if I recognise the avatar.

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  14. Worshiper 131 is someone called 'Countryside Tales', and I am now following just for the sake of the avatar alone - a picture of someone hand-feeding a chick of some sort.

    The chick looks hungry, but don't they all? Actually, not as hungry as the one who is stalking me right now.

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    Replies
    1. Hungry for what ….. doesn't sound like food, although she { ? } was going into Waitrose ?!!!!!

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    2. Probably looking for an organic farmer.

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  15. Dorothy-Marie "Dot" Jones see http://glee.wikia.com/wiki/Dot-Marie_Jones
    She is a 15-time world and 6-time national arm-wrestling champion and has a recurring role as Shannon Beiste on Glee since 2010. On vacation in Bath.

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    1. No, it wasn't her. I would be worried about you, were it not for my 'live and let live' attitude to life, Heron. How does an elderly Druid living in deepest Ireland stumble upon these sort of hard-core weirdo internet posts that you are always pointing me to? I have my theories, but I bet they pale into insignificance when set alongside reality.

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    2. A brilliant piece of articulation Sir.

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  16. Tom - I am disappointed - I didn;t think you were scared of anything.

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