Monday 26 May 2014

The Dutch started the Great Fire of London


I have been having a good laugh at the collapse of Tom Archer's sausage empire recently, and now I am having a good laugh about UKIP taking over the British contingent of the European Parliament.

Ok, they may not be an intrinsically racist party, but I think France's representative - Marine Le Pen - could hardly be described as anything else. Swap the words 'National Front' around, and you have the title of hers, precisely.

Apparently the swing to the far-right has been the same all over the Community, with some very minor policy differences in the form of catchy jingles to do with what exercises the electorate of the particular country the most.

So, for instance, all you have to do if you stand for E.U. parliament in Greece is to call yourself 'the anti-austerity party', and - guess what? - everyone votes for you.

"I wouldn't want to insult the intelligence of the people of Freedonia by saying..." is a very common opening in any sentence from any candidate who is just about to insult the intelligence of the vast majority of stupid people who are likely to vote for them, and it seems to work every time. Flattery - as always - gets you everywhere.

"Do you want to be mugged by a Romanian every time you try to use an ATM cashpoint?", was the rhetorical question posed by Nigel Farage a couple of days before his 'earthquake' victory in the polls.

"Well, no I don't actually", was the inevitable answer, even from people who had never considered this unlikely event as a possibility.

So we had two choices in this election: Go out and vote for UKIP as the only answer to a bunch of lilly-livered, self-serving, hopeless and bungling public or comprehensive schoolboys, or sit at home and let 20% of the rest of the population go out and vote for UKIP for us. I opted for the latter.

When they first began to hone a sharp edge on the legislative corps of the E.U., I described the situation to my German friends as an 'economic carve-up', and wanted nothing to do with it, other than to wrest a tiny amount of control over world finances by weakening the hold that the U.S. dollar had on our combined market-place.

Now, the dollar has never been so weak and the E.U. has never been so strong, so - for the first time in my adult life - I think it would be bad taste to make fun of the Americans just because they are the fallen mighty.

This whole event reminds me of a classic situation in which a very large and powerful man (let's call him John Bull for the sake of this story) is trying to enjoy a quiet pint of beer in a pub, as an unseemly and protracted fight between two smaller men outside impinges on his enjoyment of the evening.

He puts up with it for as long as he can, then - with a sigh of resignation - he puts down his glass and rises from his seat to make his way toward the pub door.

Once outside on the pavement, he gets a firm grip on the collars of the two fighters, pulls them apart, then brings their heads together with a sharp crack and watches them fall - stunned - to the ground.

He then walks slowly back inside, sits down and continues his pint, with the clock ticking away on the mantlepiece over the log fire.

I have seen this happen more than once, but it will take a few years to happen in this country, to these silly boys and girls.

13 comments:

  1. Hello Tom,

    We are safely returned to The Motherland after a brief sojourn in that (according to the New York Times) 'must see' destination Rotterdam. Loved it and every minute of our time there....just in case you wanted to know.

    The bush at the Bell was indeed a Ceanothus and we do recall your posting a wonderful picture of one against a wall at that fabulous garden Iford Manor. Please do not let it have succumbed......the blue against the mellow stone looked amazing......perhaps you could go back and check? And, eat another delicious Afternoon Tea too!

    And, we return to another Mad Hatters Tea Party.......not at our house......in the European Parliament. The Dutch had 19 different parties represented in the European elections, one of which had a 'be kind to animals' manifesto........that would have got our vote.

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    1. Welcome back - my abiding experience in Rotterdam was being chased down a dark street by a whole gang of Leather Boys in 1970, before I even knew what they were. I quickly formed a good idea though, and hid in a horrible hotel for the night...

      The Ceanothus has been gone for two years now, I am sorry to say.

      The menagerie being kind to the animals - I cannot see the French agricultural lobby going along with that. Foi Gras, etc.

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    2. Oh hang on - it is the Iford Manor one which has gone. The Bell's still thrives but the bloom is past it's best.

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  2. we are in uncertain times for sure right now. what with this and the Scottish vote. What will the UK look like in a few years?

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    1. Probably much as it looked about 40 years ago, except with Braveheart manning the border crossing wearing a kilt with a Claymore in his hand and no internet due to power-cuts.

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  3. This is exactly what happens when the mainstream parties don't listen to their electorate. They go out and vote for the loonies. I blame bloody Blair.

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    1. In the last few weeks, they have all been saying how tough they will be on immigration, and Cameron has promised a referendum on the E.U. blah, blah. Oh Christ, it's all so transparently pathetic.

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  4. This is so well-written, so apt and so true Tom that I can't help feeling that you were so sure of the result of these elections that you wrote it several days ago, honed it carefully as time went on and had it all ready for this morning.

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    1. Well not really, though I had been predicting the outcome for about 6 months, so I didn't need any time to prepare. Thanks for the nice comment, Weave.

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  5. I wouldn't want to dribble hot sauce down the front of my blouse every time I try to use an ATM either. Sadly, this is a global trend - not hot sauce dribbling or rampaging Romanian scenarios, but the resurgence of far-rightist wrongist parties.

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    1. I am guessing there is a hot sauce in Canada called something to do with Romanian?

      I think that - wherever you are in the world - if people start running out of money, there are always scapegoats to be looked for. It was always traditionally the Jews who were the first to get it.

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  6. You said "I think it would be bad taste to make fun of the Americans just because they are the fallen mighty." Please Tom feel free to poke fun. We haughty Americans have it coming. I see very bad things coming our way and our drive to move to a tinier farm to grow all our own food has very little to do with living a "green life" (ha!) but much more to do with simple survival. All my blog buddies will of course be welcome to live off the land with us. The new outhouse is quite adequate.

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    1. If you have space in the pigsty, I might join you, the way things are going here, Donna!

      I feel - and always have - for real American people, it's just ALL of our idiot politicians I have despised in the past.

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