Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Thursday, 20 February 2014
A Catholic scholar told me something the other day (over the airwaves) which I am surprised I had never known of or thought about before, and throws a hell of a lot of light on a very serious problem as well as providing a very simple solution to it.
It has only been since 1910 that children over the age of seven have been required to make confessions of sins once a week whilst shut up in a small, dark box with a male priest.
Think about it. On one hand, the Catholic Church regards children as innocents, and on the other, they are expected to confess to sins.
Aside from pinching a few sweets without permission, the greatest sin that your average child is most likely to commit is masturbation, and the child is duty bound to confess to it to a man in a dark, wooden cupboard who has taken a vow of chastity.
So the kid goes into the box already feeling guilty, and the man in the box is the only one who can rid them of their guilt. With some token punishment of a few thoughtless and mumbled incantations, the child is totally forgiven - until next week.
Since Catholic priests have been forced into celibacy - and it hasn't been that long since even the Pope was married - they have struggled with all the lascivious demons that we all struggle with, but without any morally correct recourse to placate them. Most of us do not actually fight these demons, we just try to keep them under control.
Chronic paedophiles are famous for their deviousness, and the lengths that they go to in order to get closer to vulnerable children has always been underestimated by the rest of us who can never fully understand them. Grown men who have never really been interested in cooking sausages on an open fire in remote woodland, suddenly start wearing shorts and spending weekends well away from the parents of the children in their care. Not all of them, of course, but these are jobs which will undoubtably attract the disturbed and dedicated few.
The scholar had a very simple solution to eradicate at least this one danger, and that was to lobby the Pope to raise the age for confessionals to where it used to be before 1910, which I guess was sixteen.
I have another suggestion directed toward the theologians who decide on all this stuff. Stop deliberately misinterpreting the Scriptures to suit your own purpose when you tell the five or six generations of Catholics since 1910 that we are all BORN sinners, in the same way that babies of heavy drinkers and heroin-users are born addicts.
I don't care if you want to spend your whole life fighting against Mother Nature for the sake of your own spiritual well-being, just don't accuse my babies of having committed any sins before they could even say the word, let alone understand it.