Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Friday, 11 October 2013
So far, nobody has rushed to buy this £2.5 million country house in Gloucestershire, and the agents think it may be something to do with it's name - Twatley Mansion.
We have already covered what the colloquial term, 'twat' refers to, so the agents - whilst spreading false information about the etymology in an incredible damage-limitation exercise - are wasting their time when they try to fool us by mumbling that the house's name has something to do with 'rabbits' in the area. A 'twat' is a hole in a hedge through which it is possible to squeeze. Geddit?
I have a friend who has - so far - failed to raise the £2.5 million to build a house which he intends to call 'Surly Manor', all for the sake of a rather expensive and long-running joke.
Once built, he would employ the rudest and gruffest butler he could find, so that when the man answers the telephone, the caller would hear, "Surly Manor", in an instant description of what to expect when they visit.
I once had a girlfriend whose step-father was the architect of a mini-mansion in Norfolk, and he ended up buying it from his client, whose title was Lord Templewood.
When the house was first completed, it had a ridiculous name associated with the area, which included the word, 'Bottom' - I cannot remember the exact name, but let's call it 'Crinkly Bottom' for the sake of the story.
At the time, the owner was simply called, 'Mr ****', but - one day - he received a phone call from a government office informing him that he was about to be elevated to the nobility, and was to receive the title of 'Lord'.
Shortly after he put the phone down and when he was basking in the advance knowledge of his elevation, he suddenly realised - with horror - that his title would be 'Lord Crinkly Bottom', unless he did something about it very soon.
So he simply changed the name of the house to 'Templewood' and the Noble House referred to him as such thereafter.
There is a Korean priest in the Vatican called 'Cardinal Sin'.