Wednesday 4 September 2013

The Home Entertainer


What to do if a friend suddenly dies when visiting your house? No, it's an illustration from a book I have just been lent entitled, 'The Home Entertainer', by Sid G Hedges. What a hoot he must have been. The idea is that the child's head is actually at the other end of the sheet, and he/she has put shoes over her hands. You ask a question, and then scream with surprise when the voice seems to come from her arse.

Another good game is called The Ancient Order of Jackdaws, in which one child sits in a chair and the rest of the children sit on the floor around them. The chairman asks the victim if they want to be initiated, and when the reply 'yes' is received, a rug is pulled from behind, causing the kid to fall flat on his/her face.

The adults are taught how to play golf with lemons and walking-sticks, with the warning that good golfers do not always excel in this game. It is called, 'Lemon Golf'.

The book is packed full of ideas about how to be the perfect host/hostess and the beginning has many recipes for parties, mainly made from left-overs and served up by the maid, who has been rehearsed in attending to guests by lighting cigarettes and filling glasses etc.

After food is over and done, you can move on to party games for adults, which includes the brilliant idea of asking your guests to dress as hikers, then building a fire in the middle of a room as everyone sits down to eat, chat and smoke as if they were in the great outdoors.


I was lent this tome by a 50 year-old friend whose father used to be the barman of Baths most famous and original wine bar which I used to frequent in the 1970s. He was the classic, taciturn barman who always listened whilst polishing glasses, but kept out of conversations unless he was spoken to, like a London club from the 1940s. A dapper solicitor used to go there as well, and now I am friends with his burly son, all these years later.

What fun they must have had back in the day. The closest thing we get to it now is to march in and throw our car keys into a bowl on the table. That balloon arrangement over the hostess's head may be a secret signal to the initiated, I suppose.


17 comments:

  1. Hahahahahahah ...... what a great book ... I think that that balloon arrangement has been going on since balloons were invented !! I remember a game where someone was blindfolded and had to put their fingers in jelly and were told that it was someone's eye and another one where you sat on an elevated chair with a sheet over you or maybe that one was something completely different !!!!
    Any ping pong games mentioned ?!! XXXX

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    1. I remember that too, Jacqueline. In our case it was an orange; I think the story was something to do with Nelson losing his eye.

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    2. For me, 'Nelson's Eye-Socket' was a hollowed-out potato. I was about 7 years old, and it freaked me right out. My uncle was mortified, but I was obviously a little cowardy custard - with a very good imagination.

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    3. Yes, Jack@ - ping pong is mentioned in detail, but seems to have been played using the hands. Boring.

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  2. I shall be trying the lying down job with Lady M... what larks, eh?

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    1. I thought you did little else these days anyway.

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  3. Sounds all very funny! I remember planning my birthdays with a lot of games (not quite so funny as yours, but a real program too) - very beloved was the dance where you give the outer matchbox wrapper from your nose to the next person's nose - or the orange dance - a pair had to keep that orange without the help of hands between them, dancing.

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  4. I have never been to a party where all the men put their car keys into a bowl for the women to choose. See Tom - I haven#t lived have I - I have led such a sheltered life and now, sadly, I fear I have left it too late!!

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    1. I clearly haven't lived either Pat and I feel a strong sense of relief that perhaps I shouldn't admit to.

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    2. I've never been to a party like that either, and I don't know anyone else who has either. I have driven off with a few other people's wives in the distant past, though, but not in their husband's tractors.

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  5. That wine bar was it just around the corner from the Royal Crescent ?
    For I used to visit a WB in that location every Thursday and Friday for Port & Stilton; one of the customers was a clergyman wearing gaiters.

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    1. Yes, it was called 'La Vendange', and was THE trendiest spot in Bath around 1970. That vicar was a renowned homosexual, and would sidle up to young men when pissed, showing a more than usual interest in pastoral care in his community.

      His only approach toward me (when I was young and beautiful) was - when noticing my height and general size - asking me if I played rugby. He must have liked a bit of rough.

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    2. We never spoke to him and only went there for our lunch break, started on glasses & progressed to bottles. I recall floating back to our office in Milsom Street thankful that we had no hills to climb!

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    3. What - if I may ask - was your job in this office? Milsom Street is generally retail and dominated by Jolly's. I knew the old Mrs Jolly in the 70s.

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  6. A design engineer with Bath Industrial Designs, the offices were above and behind a furriers.

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