Sunday, 11 August 2013

Last words


When I heard that Zapata's (the Mexican revolutionary) last words were, "Don't let me die like this - tell them I said something", it got me thinking of Last Words in general, and what I would like to have come from my lips, rather than the obscene, incoherent rambling which probably will.

I think that my mother's last words were probably the best I have ever heard.

She was lying in the single bed next to my father's, watching early evening T.V. as was their habit, and - it being quite a while ago - there were only two channels to view and no remote control to switch between them.

It had always been my father's duty to get up to switch channels and my mother's prerogative to decide which one was watched. Instead of simply asking him to turn the knob for her, she would just make a complaint about it, which was the signal for dad to get up and do the job.

I don't know what program she was watching just before she died, but her last words were, "This is a load of rubbish. What's on the other side?" With that she was gone through a massive heart-attack. Brilliant.

Some people seem to think that it is their duty to an adoring public to say something pithy before - or as - they fall off the perch but, not being famous, I have not given it much thought. Of all words that issued from the mouth/pen of Oscar Wilde, I think that his last were probably the most annoying - clever dick to the end.

I was thinking about it whilst sitting on a gravestone at South Wraxall church the other day though, and thought that I might try and say, "That was the best dream I have ever had",  but now that I have told you about it, it would be too contrived to be convincing, even if I did retain enough marbles to recite it.

Got any ideas about what you would like to be your last utterance, or is it rude to ask?

25 comments:

  1. Make your own damn sandwich!

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    1. Or, "That's the last damn sandwich I'm ever making for you!"

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  2. That was the best steak, and the best wine, that I've ever ha.......aaagh!

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  3. Replies
    1. Joanne... Joanne... are you still there?

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  4. Somebody - I think it was perhaps George V - is supposed to have said 'Bugger Bognor' I think - and someone else (can't remember who) 'I'm feeling a little better today.
    I would like to go gently into that good night - in my sleep and thus saying nothing. The sound of silence - surely the best way to go.

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    1. I think that is how the 'Regis' got stuck onto the end of 'Bognor'. The worthies of Bognor wanted to be graced by the Royal suffix after a visit by George (3rd?) and it needed to be granted before his demise. We have a lot to thank Bognor for.

      I would like to go quietly in my sleep too, but I am not counting on it.

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  5. I've been waiting for this moment ever since I was born!

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  6. I love your mum's last words. I can't imagine what mine will be. Have to let you know on that one when the time comes. Probably something like, 'Tell Tom ............'

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    1. TELL TOM WHAT?! (shakes corpse up and down whilst nurses drag him away...)

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  7. I'm very fond of "Either that wallpaper has to go, or I will".

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    1. Yes, that was the one I referred to above, and find so annoying that I didn't even quote it.

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  8. I can think of nothing witty or amusing at this time of the morning, which implies a gurgle when my time comes, but would be happy with your mother's utterance - fantastic.

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    1. H.I.'s dying father spent his last days feverishly inventing new practical things in his head, and verbally explaining them to H.I. He was a very practical man, and some of the things he described actually made it into existence - "There will come a time when..." etc.

      H.I. puts the unleashing of his potential genius down to high doses of morphine.

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  9. I've done it a thousand times before and nothing has ever gone wron...

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  10. I'm not sure. Although i have said that i'd be angry if i were to snuff it before rather than after my vacation/holiday. (It seems nearly every time i've flown to/from a vacation spot, there's been a plane crash within a day.)

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  11. My reply button has fucked up - again. Joe - there have been many black box transcripts just like that.

    Megan - see above.

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