Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Wednesday, 17 July 2013
In the heat of the night
It must have been because of the heat-wave we are having, but yesterday's post turned into a bit of a rant, and John said I had gone all Ingmar Bergman on him over cut flowers. I said that I thought I had gone all Oscar Wilde, forgetting that he was trained in how to sit down, watch a film, then tell everyone else what to think of it in an authoritative manner, and it is to him that I dedicate this post title.
That's not all I did last night. Remember how I said that I was now all booted-up for the rest of my life when I bought the black pair of Crockett and Jones ones recently? Well I lied.
Crockett and Jones sent me an email alerting me to the fact that their sale is now on, and included a link to all their outlets in the U.K. which I duly clicked on. Theirs is the one box I ticked to be alerted to any promotional material, but I don't remember clicking on all the Pizza Express and mature dating sites - no, I mustn't get started on that one again.
There is an all-weather boot with a sewn-in tongue and commando sole that C & J make called 'The Snowdon', and it is rather handsome. My reasoning behind blindly lusting after it is that if I were to buy a pair, I would not need to wear all those cheap, ugly things to go mushrooming or walking over Cornish cliffs - and buy them at a rate of a pair a year.
So I started emailing all 6 branches with an identical request for information on The Snowdon in size 12, copying and pasting the message into the identical forms they all have, which include name, telephone number, etc. etc. I failed to send the message to the last branch on the list - Birmingham - which is where I had bought the last pair from, or so they lied to me. They - in fact - had them sent from London, when the London branches told me they had none in stock.
At around midnight, when the temperature had dropped to about 75 Fahrenheit, even Crockett and Jones's computer began to lose it's temper, and sent me a somewhat snotty automated response asking me to 'kindly refrain from sending duplicate emails'.
I had not understood that all email addresses to the different branches are the same, and my multiple requests must have had the same effect as screaming GIMME SNOWDONS! GIMME SNOWDONS ! GIMME SNOWDONS! GIMME SNOWDONS! at Hal from 2001, before the plugs were pulled. "I'm sorry Tom. I cannot do that. Now why don't we all calm down and think this thing out in a rational manner?"
In the cool of the morning, I found two emails from two branches expressing their regret that they could not, indeed, do that. 'The Snowdon' is not included in the sales, but I may purchase a pair from them for a mere £450 plus carriage.