Saturday 27 April 2013

Beige


I listened to a man on the radio this morning who has spent the last 60 years since he left the RAF restoring the stiles on footpaths that criss-cross the Sussex Downs where he lives.

His voice was that of a man of half his age - 91 - and I couldn't help thinking that it was this combination of unpaid work, exercise, fresh air and a strange sort of obsession that has kept him going so actively for so long.

I quite often find myself envying proud-looking old men who I see limping down the road alone, and I haven't yet worked out why I do. Maybe it is because I don't have enough faith in myself to get to that age self-sufficiently and more or less intact, still retaining enough dress-sense to buy trousers which actually fit me.

I was wondering the other day, why it is that you don't see many 'beige couples' around these days, then I realised that it because they are probably all dead. You know what I mean by 'beige couples'? They came about because the man in the relationship - once he retired - allowed his wife to buy all his clothes for him, and she - because she was so sick of a life-time of laundry - would buy almost matching outfits for herself and her husband from Marks and Spencer, made from a beige, semi-synthetic, drip-dry, perma-creased material which would be suitable for almost any weather conditions, making the choice of what to take from the wardrobe in the morning easy - they probably had two identical outfits each, for when the other was in the wash.

Even when I was young, I knew that I would never retire, and I certainly knew that nobody would ever choose my clothing for me, unless I suffered some sort of catastrophic brain-damage which left me unable to even speak.

When I am at a low-ebb, I cannot see any future for myself, but I console myself by remembering that I never could see any future for myself, even when I was 20. Things seem to have a way of working themselves out.

Tonight, I am going on a stag-party outing for a middle-aged man. I bet he didn't see that coming.

24 comments:

  1. The stile repairer sounds like the Sussex version of Old Mortality.

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    1. Sorry, but who is the other version?

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    2. Old Mortality...the chap who wandered the wilds restoring the tombstones and memorials of the Covenanters.
      Walter Scott made a book about him.

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    3. Have you heard the recent 'Pilgrim' stories?

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  2. My late father had about a dozen beige cardigans. All had holes in the elbows, all were from M & S, and all had been bought by my mother. I can confirm your theory!

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    1. Did you inherit them, and if so, have you reached the age when Lady M insists that you wear them?

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  3. "Richard" in "Keeping Up Appearances" is such a formidable "beige" male impersonator (Hyacinth, on the passenger seat: "Mind the trees, Richard!" "Minding the trees in a midlife crisis") - but as you say: dying out.
    Ah: supposedly Hendrix wrote the song after a quarrel with his girlfriend Kathy Etchingham whose middle name was Mary. Though I prefer Husband's guess: "-huana".

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    1. Not ever watching TV, I don't know about 'Keeping up Appearances', but I can guess.

      Ah, so that's why the wind cried Mary.

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  4. Love 'Keeping Up Appearances'. Hyacinth would always say that she better answer the phone because it was "bound to be someone verrrrry important".

    Her never-failing next sentence shouted out to her guest: "It's me sister Daisy. That's NOT the one with the pool and the pony."

    I guess that I'm a true dorky fan of the show. I know their lines by heart.

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  5. Even if you don't retire, does one still succumb to the 'beige couple' syndrome ? ......... what I'm trying to say is, will you be wearing your beige outfit to the stag 'do' ? Not watching tele, you won't know about Howard and Hilda in 'Ever Decreasing Circles'. They wore the same outfits everyday, although, the outfits weren't beige and they weren't retired. Is that the same thing ? XXXX

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    1. I have just come back from the Stag Do, and you may not believe the report, but I will report anyway tomorrow. It involves blind coincidence and bloody death - a formula normally only found in Agatha Christie books.

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    2. Plus copious amounts of red wine?

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    3. No. No red wine - this story is truly amazing, but I'm saving it until tomorrow.

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    4. Actually, in the cold and sober light of this morning, it's not that amazing, but I'll tell it anyway.

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    5. I am still debating whether or not to do this story - The dead guy's relatives live in Bath, and it might not be a good idea. See? I can show a bit of sensitivity if I try.

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  6. I just got a new pair of trousers for my birthday. I'm 80 now. They are not beige.

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    1. Well done for reaching 80 without wearing beige trousers, Jim. Are they brown?

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  7. Beige should be banned from every wardrobe - it is such a non-colour. I love red trousers for men - the farmer pales at the thought!

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  8. Just reading the comments on your blog is always a day brightneer!! Such clever dialog...ha!
    My face is red because my husband would not HAVE clothes if it weren't for me buying them. That's a good idea though...buying them in colors similar to mine for laundry purposes!!!

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    1. So what does he look like after being dressed up by you, Donna? Please show us a photo! (how to ruin a relationship...)

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  9. Yes, beige couple even occur in the sub-tropics. But in beige shorts and synthetic short sleeve shirts. Highly flammable gear. They've probably all spontaneously-combusted. x

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