Tuesday 18 December 2012

Closing question


Before and after.

The cleaning and polishing of the arse of Venus is going to be the last thing I will have completed this year, but it saved me from freezing my own off at my compact but adorable rural workshop.

Maybe next year I will make a sculpture entitled 'The Arse of Janus', with an arse both sides - seeing out the old year and seeing in the new. Now you've got me going. I am already thinking up titles which are a word-play between 'Janus' and 'Anus' - you know how my mind works (badly).

All this is - of course - subject to there actually being a new year of 2013, after December 21st. I wonder what the odds at Ladbrokes are for the end of the world occurring on that date? For it actually happening, they would make the odds as high as they like to encourage bets, as there would be no pay-out anyway. Maybe I'll check when I go into town.

Right now in the pub, everyone is behaving as though the end of the world is nigh already, but I put that down to a combination of the advent of Christmas and the appallingly bad prospects of economic recovery in 2013, not total destruction. Then again, it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy, and we might not get to enjoy a good dinner on the 25th after all.

Whenever the end of the world is nigh in the cinema, everyone rushes out into the streets and starts having wild sex with total strangers - I really don't think that would be what happens in the real event, but it is more an indicator of the fragile and facile state of mind of most Hollywood film producers, who have wild sex with strangers in their California villas as a matter of course.

Closing question:

What would you do if you knew the world would end in 24 hours?  (Be honest).

30 comments:

  1. I have now depressed myself by remembering when I asked a barmaid, "If I was the last man on earth, would she shag me?" After a very short pause, she said, "No".

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    1. Just be happy that there was a pause!

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    2. If I was the last man on earth, Iris, would you shag me? (The clock is running).

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    3. Hach ---------------------- alright then.

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  2. You need December 22 to arrive and, hopefully, brighten your perspective.

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  3. Tell my folk how much I love them and then the wild sex bit. (Not necessarily in that order, or with said folk.)

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  4. Please Tom, could you redo my arse next? I'll pay you in bacon, chops, tnderloin whatever your meat crazing man appetite desires....and as far as only 24 hours left. I'd gather my family together for prayer (after smoking one big joint in private)

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    1. donna beat me to it My arse looks like a
      Ma bag of horseshoes

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    2. Work on your arse (DONNA) would be payment enough.

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  5. 24 hours left? I'd stop working, call loved ones to let them know i love them, and have a fabulous meal. As for the wild sex, it would depend upon who's available. Just because the world is ending doesn't mean i'm going to lower my standards.

    Nice arse, Tom.

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  6. Bravo Megan!!
    Gather my family close, treat all my animals and myself to a last supper. I have no idea what else we mean as much to me as having my loved ones with me for the time I'd have left. Sorry, but since I can't go to Hawaii in that amount of time and indulge myself,I think that's all I've got for idea. Pretty sad, aren't I?

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    1. I would invite Jesus to mine.... I wonder if he would come?

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    2. I'm told he comes to all that invite him. You only have to have Faith.

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    3. Hmm - I think I'll pray like hell instead.

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  7. Venus looks much better; well done.

    As for the end, I'd open a bottle of rouge (that one that I've been keeping for a special occasion), and take the dogs for a walk. I might shout a bit too.

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    1. p.s. And I'd go and punch my neighbour.

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    2. That's pretty much what you do every day, apart from punching the neighbour, isn't it?

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  8. Venus looks much perkier now ..... and also, very beautiful. You are very good at your job Tom, but I'm sure that you know that.
    .............. as for the last 24 hours .......... I don't want to think about it..... it's Christmas !! XXXX

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    Replies
    1. I don't need to ask you the same question as Iris do I?

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  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  10. 24 hours? End of the world? Time to test my time machine. I've been putting it off as I wasn't sure what effect a time-traveller's actions in the past might have on the future. But if the world's going to end...

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