Wednesday 26 September 2012

The Severn Bore


I have so few opinions, that to give one to others is an act of extreme generosity. My opinions are precious. How is it then, that the supply seems to be almost inexhaustible?

Anyone who goes to pubs as regularly as I do will recognise the above - that's just the nature of mixing alcohol with humans. At least in most British pubs, other people's opinions are all but drowned out by very loud, piped music. There is one notorious bore who goes to my local, and is always complaining about the music. He says that the relentless and ubiquitous music is 'killing the art of conversation' in English pubs. Well, since he has reached the age of about 65 without ever having mastered that art, I don't think he is qualified to voice an opinion on the matter in any case.

I actually started to go to a different pub to avoid this particular bore once, but he found out which one and started to ambush me there as well. This other pub has never played music in it's 300 year history, so was the ideal venue for him to corner me and give full vent to his bewildering array of contradictory, right-wing, misogynistic, single- issue-political and generally downright crappy opinions on everything.

I would sit in silence (if you discount his booming voice) for so long until I could stand no more, then let him have it between the eyes with a barrage of ill-humoured and venomous invective, usually peppered with the foulest expletives. He never saw it coming, and was (and still is) so bloody thick that he could not understand my verbal explosions. He would not recognise himself in this description, even if he were to read it, he is that out of touch with the rest of the world.

Now I go into my preferred local and - fearing another unjustified attack - he gives me a wide berth, leaving me in peace to chat up the bar staff.

I can remember the first time once, when asked for my opinion on some burning issue, I thought for a bit, then realised that I really had no opinions on it - one way or another - and said so. What a liberating feeling that was, and how paradoxical to reach an age when one's opinions tend to become calcified into stock answers, to be able to admit you have nothing to say about something.

Once you have admitted that you have not bothered to form an opinion about a certain topic in public, you become infused with a sense of renewed youth - even though youth is expected to have an opinion on everything - usually borrowed from others and tried out on their peer-group to see if it fits.

In reality, of course, everyone around you thinks that you have just become old, lazy and tired of life.


24 comments:

  1. So, I guess that makes you a 'wise' guy, Tom. ;-)

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  2. Worst of all is when people precede their tedious opinions with the words "In my opinion", as though they gave the statement extra weight. By the time I have heard those 3 words I am already half-way to the exit.

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    1. I think that prefix is a gracious acknowledgement that others may also hold a conflicting - if utterly wrong - opinion, and it is only polite to allow them to air it so that it can be corrected by their betters.

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  3. For the past week, the rain has been hammering down on Luanda.

    President, His Ecellency, Engineer Eduardo dos Santos is right now, live on TV as I write, being inaugurated (AGAIN) as President of the Republic of Angola in the gardens of the palace. Hundreds, if not thousands of guests smartly dressed and sitting on plastic garden chairs on the lawn. Even though Hippo Towers is still not open, the place is full so the locals can see it on TV. Imagine the opinions being thrown around and, as I am the Duty White Guy, how much my opinion is being sought. Actually, I do have an opinion but I want to continue to live here. In the end, I relented and ventured one.

    'Well', I said, 'He must be very powerful. After all, he made the rain stop.'

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    1. I have found that conversations with a drunk are only entertaining if you are as drunk as they are....

      to, to you really shout at people as much as you say you do?

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    2. ARE YOU, JOHN GRAY, SAYING I AM DRUNK!!!

      OK, I might be guilty of raising my voice a tadge every now and again but I have it on reliable authority that when I am pissed, I am generally quite entertaining.

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    3. sorry tom..this was for the other tom (TS) blogger only allows Me to post on "replies" rather than my own box so to speak!!!!

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    4. Whatever - just keep your voices down. I'm trying to sleep.

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    5. P.S. -When I finally work out who is talking to whom, I would be happy to answer any questions at all.

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    6. Sorry John, being a reclusive alcoholic I can get a bit sensitive sometimes as society seems to discriminate against us. So long as we don't drive, be in charge of any machinery or do anything else responsible, I don't see the justification.

      Mr Stephenson, I searched around the user interface thingy for posting comments and cannot find a whisper font but I can assure you I am using the sort of voice we used to use when trying to avoid Matron's attention.

      Finally, sorry Mr Stephenson Sir, could you repeat the question please?

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    7. Oh, it was me was it? Well then, I shout at people as much as I say I do, but if you go back through the posts, you will see that it really isn't that much. This bloke in question cannot speak in anything other that a shouty voice anyway, and he also pretends that he is deaf (he just doesn't listen) so shouting at him is sometimes the only way.

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  4. Sounds similar to when I first learned to say 'No'.

    Hippo's Engineer President, sounds better than Syria's Doctor.

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  5. Definitely. I am starting to lean towards the idea of benign dictators.

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  6. I find people want me to share my opinion more readily when i don't try to shove it down their throats. I remember one woman was utterly shocked as she had gone on (and on and on) about something to which i was diametrically opposed. When she finally asked me what i thought, i told her my opinion. She was stunned that i held a dissenting view and more so because i hadn't tried to interrupt her as she held forth. By the end of my explanation, she could understand my point of view, which shocked her even more.

    I don't think she changed her initial opinion one iota, but i'd like to think she changed her judgement upon those who held a different view.

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  7. Re The Severn Bore - the real one - I have always wanted a)to see it and b) to ride it. I have done neither, in spite of living quite near Shrewsbuty for some years. Now I turn to your last paragraph - maybe I have reached that stage because a)I can't be bothered to journey to see it and b)I am past riding on it. As for opinions,I gave them up years ago. Life's too short.

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    1. I have nothing to say about the above at all, Weave.

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    2. I also lived near Shrewsbury for a while, Weaver. But never had the ambition to ride The Bore.

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    3. Let's hope that wasn't a euphemism.

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  8. Listening to other people's opinions would be okay if they kept it short and to the point. But people like to go on and on .... The best thing that you can do is to wait for that split second when they have to take a breath, say: "Thanks for sharing!" and walk away. So polite and yet so rude.

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    1. I don't mind people rambling on and on, just so long as they are entertaining. Usually these rare entertaining ones are cut-short by bores - like the way people who have already heard the joke jump in with the punch-line at the last minute.

      I think I feel a philosophy post coming on. A philosopher will come up with an incredibly short opinion ('I think, therefore I am', for instance) and then everyone else will spend the next 100 years talking it out of existence. Funny.

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