Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Tuesday, 25 September 2012
A quick break
Maybe it was all that talk of Hitler late yesterday, but last night I dreamed that Tony Blair had been sentenced to death for war-crimes, and the method of his execution was to be put into the ring with a Karate black-belt to fight to the death.
All the Heads of State turned up to witness the one-sided event, and it was all over pretty quickly when the Karate expert - acting as executioner - delivered a few swift chops to our Tony's neck and head, so that he fell to the ground like a sack of spuds. I doubt if they would choose this method to kill Putin.
I know it sounds quite amusing, but in my dream it was actually a repulsive spectacle to witness, like all executions.
The USA was represented by a giant hippo, and by 'giant' I mean about this size of the Empire State building. He was so large that the only part of him visible from the ground was his nose - two nostrils in a shiny, grey-black skin - which blocked out half of the sky.
A referee gave the lifeless Tony a few kicks to his bloodied face to make sure he was dead, then everyone went home.
Not all my dreams are as mad as this. The night before, for instance, I dreamed that I stumbled across the perfect holiday destination - a stunningly beautiful hillside overlooking a blue lake, with white-painted houses up it's side - each one a beautifully decorated restaurant and hotel. I booked us in with the friendly and charming owner of one, then I woke up.
I cannot remember for the life of me where that place is now, so I guess I will not be turning up for the booking. Shame - I could do with a nice break, as you might have guessed.