Wednesday 12 September 2012

Stepping in a Richard


They may have found the remains of the 'much maligned king', Richard Plantagenet - Richard the Third - three feet down in a council car park in Leicester.  Fancy that - parking your car on the last British king to have died (at the battle of Bosworth, at the hand of Henry Tudor) in battle, and not even knowing about it as you pop to the shops for the groceries.

All the signs are looking good - a deformed shoulder blade, a serious head injury and an arrow head lodged between two vertebrae.  Next thing to do is some DNA tests, and there are a few relatives around who can provide samples.  My ex-girlfriend in Scotland married a Plantagenet, so maybe they could call on him?

I have just been in communication with them, and I am afraid it's bad news for Blighty and the Church of Rome.  The true Plantagenet king of England (my mate's cousin) has just died in Australia, and he was a republican.  It gets worse.  He leaves the claim to the throne to his son, who is a gay petrol-pump attendant.  Oh well, the dream was nice while it lasted.  I could have had a place in court, having organised a revolution.

Wondering about the title for this post?  Here's a clue:  It is all to do with Cockney rhyming slang.

9 comments:

  1. I'm sure there's not much chance of that on the genteel pavements of Bath.

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  2. I don't get the Cockney rhyming slang (I'm too old and too colonial) but I was intrigued by the sentence "The true Plantagenet king of England...has just died..." and I had to Google it. Fascinating! King Mike the first! How did I not know that?! This is why I read your blog. Thanks.

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    1. Replying to myself to add that I've now found the channel 4 doco on YouTube.

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    2. I didn't know about it either until I spoke to his (Prince Norrie?) cousin's wife just now. I'll have to look it up on You Tube as well.

      (Richard the Third = Turd)

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    3. Oh, right. I should have been able to work that out. Plenty of Richards around here, but they're of the ovine and bovine variety.

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  3. Presumably they always knew he was outside Tesco's, so why only now do they dig him up? Will they be re-naming the car park?

    Richards? I thought they were called Douglases!

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    1. They had a suspicion he might have been there, because the last place he was seen alive was at the check-out. We could start a competition to rename the car park. Any suggestions? Douglas has faded into obscurity, but Richard lives on.

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  4. I once heard that Hitler's remains were burried under a parking lot until they were dug up, cremated, and thrown in a river in 1970. Any truth to that I wonder?

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