Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Wednesday, 12 September 2012
Stepping in a Richard
They may have found the remains of the 'much maligned king', Richard Plantagenet - Richard the Third - three feet down in a council car park in Leicester. Fancy that - parking your car on the last British king to have died (at the battle of Bosworth, at the hand of Henry Tudor) in battle, and not even knowing about it as you pop to the shops for the groceries.
All the signs are looking good - a deformed shoulder blade, a serious head injury and an arrow head lodged between two vertebrae. Next thing to do is some DNA tests, and there are a few relatives around who can provide samples. My ex-girlfriend in Scotland married a Plantagenet, so maybe they could call on him?
I have just been in communication with them, and I am afraid it's bad news for Blighty and the Church of Rome. The true Plantagenet king of England (my mate's cousin) has just died in Australia, and he was a republican. It gets worse. He leaves the claim to the throne to his son, who is a gay petrol-pump attendant. Oh well, the dream was nice while it lasted. I could have had a place in court, having organised a revolution.
Wondering about the title for this post? Here's a clue: It is all to do with Cockney rhyming slang.