Sunday, 23 September 2012

Psychlops


I was sitting in the pub the other night, when my companion just happened to mention that another mutual friend would make a very good Cyclops.  When I looked over to the man in question, I immediately saw what he meant, and we both laughed about it for quite a few minutes because the notion was just so... well... apt.

So I formulated a little plan to make the above (rather poor) image on my computer, but in order to do this, I had to take a full-frontal picture of the subject so I could doctor it whilst at home.

This may sound quite simple, but it was not without danger. The subject is six feet five inches tall, weighs 245 pounds (mainly muscle) and is renowned for his somewhat short temper.  Luckily - as it turned out - the couple of beers I had drunk immediately before the deed gave me the courage, and he happily posed for me, even though he knew what I was going to do with the photo. I thought the best policy was to come clean, because if he found out that I had lied about my motives, the consequences would have been unthinkable. He has not yet - I think and hope - seen the finished image, but I am sure  he will make his feelings known about it when the time comes. I just hope it never makes it to FaceBook.

In the winter, this guy dresses in a short jacket, traditional trousers and flat-cap. If you gave him an Staffordshire Bull-Terrier, he would make the best Bill Sykes you had ever seen, on or off the screen. When I broached the subject of Cyclops, he wondered why I couldn't use the other man as a base subject, but - although he would have been a good one - he would have been nowhere near as good is him. It just shows how unaware some people are of the effect they have on others.

In other news (I love using that media phrase), I have to say that I am particularly in love with one particular bar-maid at the moment, but since I am 40 years older than her, I have to force myself to understand that the attention she gives me in return may amount to no more than respect or compassion. I often find myself leaving the 'com' off in wistful fantasy, but that is just the curse of becoming old. Greedy and old. It doesn't help that she looks exactly like one of the young Tahitian subjects of Gaugin's later paintings. Same skin, same hair, same eyes...

Last night, we went into the pub garden for a chat and a cigarette as usual, and as we were sitting beneath a very large awning, a soft, pure white feather floated down and landed on the table directly between us. We both looked up, wondering where on earth (or heaven) it could have come from, as there was not a patch of sky to be seen.

I said that it had probably come from the wing of an angel, and she picked it up and carefully stowed it in her pocket.

I haven't lost the old touch - miserable, sad and slimy bastard that I am.

12 comments:

  1. what a romantic thing to say.......
    ( bet the generalised leer took the edge off the moment just a tad )

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    1. I know. I even cringed myself when I said it. Luckily, I managed to keep the leering internal.

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    2. I didn't get where I am today by having my tongue hanging out each time I was introduced to the Duchess of Cambridge... actually, I did.

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  2. The single Freda Eyebrow is quite disturbing. I'd be more upset by that than the Cyclops eye.

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    1. They are twice as disturbing in real life.

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  3. If there was a bird sheltering under the awning, Tom, you were lucky it was only a feather.

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    1. The alternative would - I admit - have been much more appropriate. Actually, I wonder if angels do that too?

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  4. Oh my God ..... what a line.....I'm sure that she humoured you though, to make an older man very happy !! Did you skip home with angel wings on your feet ?!! It doesn't take much when you get to our age does it Tom ? I'm not sure that the 'old touch' is what younger people are yearning for anymore I'm afraid but I'll leave you to enjoy the fantasy !! X

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    1. I'll let you know how I get on - in reality.

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  5. You are certainly a smooth talker - that's for sure. As for that photo - I don't wish to look at it - it will give me nightmares.
    At least you can get your photos on to blogger - I have been put on to the new system and I can't figure out how to get back to the old one or how to put on photos.

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    1. Re your photos, there should be a little blue picture of a photo in the editing bar at the top of the composing box. Put you pictures somewhere where you can find them, click on the little blue thing, and it will ask you to choose from a 'browser'. Go to where your photos are (in the left hand bar - 'desktop', etc - and click on them, then confirm your choice in the box asking you too. Then click on 'upload selected photos'. Easy.

      The man would give you worse nightmares with two eyes, I assure you.

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