Sunday 19 August 2012

Knee-trembler

My sister woke up in hospital this morning, and asked for a bowl of cornflakes, which was an encouraging sign.

I remember going camping as a young teenager with her and he who became her husband, and we tried to eat bowls of cornflakes on the windswept cliff top.  Once over the sheltered rim of the bowl, the cornflakes would fly off horizontally out to sea, never to be seen again.

We had arrived on the Dorset coast as the sun was setting, and began hastily unpacking our tents before it was too dark to see.  Only then did I discover that I had forgotten to take any pegs for it, and I spend a sleepless week lying in an Austin A35 van with my feet threaded through the steering wheel, waiting for the sweep of a distant lighthouse to illuminate the interior as I also waited for dawn to put me out of my misery.

It could have been worse.  A friend of mine once went camping as a first date with she who was to become his wife, and he had bought a heavy canvas, ex-military tent for the purpose.  He had  - unlike me - made detailed checks before packing it, to be sure that all the components were there when he set off, including pegs.

They too arrived at the coast as the sun was setting, and he unpacked the tent and spread it out on the ground.

It turned out to be a six foot high by three foot square, army toilet-tent.  Only horses can sleep standing up, so they spent a few nights of passion with their feet through the steering wheel of his Cortina.

18 comments:

  1. The last time I went 'camping' was when I was still at college. We set-up tent on some idyllic Cornish sea-view outcrop, and was almost instantly buzzed by a military helicopter. A few minutes later a bunch of squadies turned up in a Land Rover and turfed us off. I HAD wondered why such an ideal spot was available.

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  2. That's one of the reasons I joined the Army, you get the pick of the QM stores, a smart uniform and all the best spots and, as an officer, if a bunch of squadies turned up, you could languidly tell them to f*** off.

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    1. A shooting friend of mine was banging away with a group of blokes once, and a military helicopter landed nearby to tell them to fuck off. Luckily, his mate was a high-ranking officer and said the same back to them.

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  3. Your sister. Can you tell us more? Why is she in the hospital and forgive me if I missed a post that explained. I looked but did not find.

    Later, I went to a family event with my husband and the steering wheel of his truck caused me to feel quite loving toward him. I did not tell him why or else he'd want to go "camping"

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    1. My sister has had a variety of rare conditions since she was in her 20s, Donna, including Reynauld's disease and a scleroderma that affects only the skin on the inside of her oesophagus. She was given 20 years to live about 45 years ago, but has now started to pack up in other ways, including failure of a valve to the heart, which lets the stale blood back into it, making her extremely sick, if not terminally sick, and she would not survive surgery.

      I'll keep you informed as to her progress, but if she gets out this time, she will be back in again shortly, so it is a situation of borrowed time.

      I am doing my best to take my niece's mind off it right now, but - as you can imagine - this is a hard task from my distance. All will be well eventually, one way or the other.

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    2. P.S. - Steering wheel and not gear-stick?

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    3. Poor sister, poor niece. May untroubled bowls of cornflakes intersperse their hard time. Indeed, poor you.

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    4. I'm ok, thank you, Mise. Sis could not eat the cornflakes or anything else. I think she will be on a drip quite soon, and I fear the worst for that, but it's her immediate family (husband, son and daughter) I am feeling for.

      If my estranged brother is reading this (the notifications are mainly for his benefit) then he ought to know.

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  4. Ha-ha, you make me laugh. Especially the bit about cornflakes flying horizontally off the spoon! (We went camping last year to Avignon with some very basic gear. We were surrounded by Dutch super campers who were equipped with every gadget imaginable, coffee makers, 3D television etc. I had forgotten to pack any knives. Tried to look cool eating steak with a spoon and fork.)

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    1. It helps to pack your teeth as well, if you do not buy the finest fillet.

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  5. for all your humour, it must be a difficult time for you and the family.
    he's hoping the cornflake intake will do the job!
    (oh in reference to the man in the black suit on going gently...he is..Mr Butler, ex teddy boy, Elvis impersonator and national veg judge .

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    1. Ah - a Welsh Elvis. There is a good Indian Elvis down here, a Sikh with turban and everything. See above for a small explanation about my sister, and thanks for your concern.

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  6. No message in the recently added audio clip - I just like it! "Whadamy, whadamy, whadamy..." How I love Dusty Springfield, and the Pet Shop Boys.

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  7. Sorry to hear your sister is so poorly, Tom. Like Mise says, a difficult time for your brother-in-law, nephew and niece and for you too.

    Enjoyed the camping stories.

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    1. Thank you Moll. I have often wanted to go back camping on some other mountain, but - these days - H.I. will not consider anything other than a hotel with en suite facilities, and - as a result - I have gone soft.

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