Thursday 19 July 2012

Wet plaster


Because I am currently working with materials which are normally alien to me, I am spending more time in builder's merchants than I normally do, and was attracted from quite some distance away in one the other day by these - which I first thought were some sort of scary, comic Dodo-masks being offered to hairy-arsed builders for use during tea-breaks, just to frighten children.

Closer inspection showed them to be a type of staining gadget created specifically for the restoration of garden furniture, and I still don't know if the 'serving suggestion' of right and left hands holding one each was deliberately intended to look like eyes., but I bet they deter shop-lifting in the immediate vicinity.

Another place I don't normally have to visit is a specialist plaster suppliers that are hidden in an obscure part of Wiltshire, which is situated on a crease in the road-map as well as a crease in the dramatic and ancient topography, and I set off in the 'new' Volvo on my second attempt to find it unaided.  'Second' because this was not the first time I had driven around in circles trying to locate it and given up after about one hour and 50 miles.

It seems to be my lot to have to get to places which offer at least 15 different, diagonal routes to reach them at the moment, and this is the last of a long line of them, taken when either seeing about a job, or seeking out a replacement Volvo.

It doesn't help that the specialist plaster company is run by a family whose religion requires them to shun technology, so their internet presence is skimpy, although they do give directions on it and answer the phone - yes, they do have a phone - if it rings.  I tried calling them on my mobile on the first attempt to find them, and the man almost held my hand as he talked and I drove, telling me to turn left at the next pub.  I turned left when I saw the pub, but it must have been the wrong one and I gave up and drove home.

Yesterday, the situation was even more complicated, because as soon as I set off, the rain fell so hard that it cause massive roadside floods and cut visibility down to about 50 yards.  After 3/4ths of an hour driving around in it, and having called up my glamorous assistant for directions (he told me to turn left at the pub - which I did), I decided that it was not the best weather to be loading a lot of expensive Plaster of Paris in the car anyway, and I turned around and went home.

Like Platform 9 and three-quarters, I know this place exists because I have visited it many times (with other people), but in my last two attempts I have just bounced off the brick wall, bruising my owl and bending my shopping-trolley, so to speak.

Today, when I have finished writing this, I am going back to Google Maps and printing out a larger scale one of the area, possibly adding a step-by-step, AA route-planner for reassurance.  I am constantly amazed at the altruism shown by many contributors to the internet - this company has been pin-pointed on a Google Map by a stranger who has obviously had similar experiences when trying to find it, and likes to see the wheels of commerce revolving as smoothly as possible.  I don't think - as already mentioned - that the family-run firm would have done this themselves, so they probably left it to their infidel web-designer.

I got back (from my the pub and my girlie's first shift) last night, to be told by H.I. that she had watched an entire feature film on You Tube which she had been trying to find in DVD form for a couple of years.  Someone had gone to the trouble of streaming the film 'Phaedra' (with Melina Mercouri) in high-quality video, for no obvious commercial gain, and H.I. had spent a wet afternoon watching it.

This is what I mean by altruistic behaviour on the net, but there's no such thing as free pornography, even if you do want to watch it - which I don't!  Honest!  No, really!




24 comments:

  1. I think that you should invest in a SatNav ..... you always seem to be driving around, looking for places, so I think that the initial outlay would be well worth it.........and, as a Volvo driving, Armani suit wearing man about town, I feel that it is a must have accessory.
    ....and, re your last paragrah.....methinks that you protest too much !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really don't want a sat-nav - it would be like a mobile phone, in as much as you didn't how you lived without them. I am quite good at instinctively finding my way to random places - I never lost a hot-air balloon when I used to retrieve them. It's distinct places I have trouble with.

      Delete
  2. Ahhhhhhhh BUT ........... someone invented the wheel and you are driving around in your Volvo, making good use of that invention !!....OR, maybe that's not a very good analogy !!
    BUT .... your choice of course and you are obviously pretty good at finding your way, apart from the odd hiccup. They aren't a neccessity but, my car had one in it when I bought it and it's been very useful.
    Hope you find the Plaster of Paris shop without a hitch next time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Found it today, thanks Jack@. Bought a load of plaster, and reluctantly put it in the back of the car.

      Delete
  3. You have my sympathy; trying to find anywhere in the pouring rain is miserable. I was once late for a very important meeting so I called a local taxi company, told them where I wanted to go and when the taxi turned up I said, 'No, no! I am not going to ride with you, I am going to follow you!' 30 seconds later we were there. He did say that his office thought it a bit odd for someone to order a taxi for a walking distance so they had assumed I was disabled rather than, as the taxi driver now realised, just mentally retarded.

    I am about to have a go at making a polished concrete kitchen work surface. I have the concrete, I have the tools and I have a book. How hard can it be?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hippo, I'm just about to have a 7 by 21 metre barn interior done with polished concrete. I believe they use a machine called a 'helicopter'. I'd love to hear how you get on..... will you be posting the details?

      Delete
    2. Hippo - re the polished concrete, take my advice: Look up a company called 'StoneTools' (if you have not already done so) and buy a variable speed 'Flex' polisher for about £120 (they used to cost £400 about 20 years ago !). Diamond abrasive pads (40 -2000- grit) are good, but carbide is ok.

      Re the taxis drive, I did the same thing in London once, and even the taxi got lost.

      Delete
    3. Oh, and Cro - a 'helicopter' is another name for a power-float, and is used for laying not polishing. A similar machine for polishing is called a 'Jenny Lind' - want to know why?

      Delete
    4. Jenny Lind was a famous dancer from the early Victorian (?) period, and specialised in pirhouettes (or however you spell it) so the rotating mechanical polisher was named after her, as was the 'Spinning Jenny'.

      Delete
    5. Jenny Lind, The Swedish Nightingale, was a famous Victorian opera singer. The Jenny Lind was so called because the humming noise it made was similar to the voice of the singer. (I've long been particularly interested in Jenny Lind so I had to butt in ;-)

      Delete
  4. Pub-Nav is good.

    When I was recently plastering the interior of my 'tower', I came across a plaster called Lutèce 2000 which (when mixed) remains usable for 1 hr 15 mins. It was heaven sent.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The old trick with ordinary plaster is to piss in it after mixing. That slows it down, but is not so good for dinner parties.

      Delete
  5. Across the Pond, i can tell you that the last two times i used Google maps, they let me down. Right at the very end, where i REALLY needed to know which right or left to take. I ended up finding a hotel and asked the very young concierge at the desk for the place i wanted. She very kindly wrote out clear, succinct directions in large print (I must have looked old ;-), and i found the place straightaway.

    There are two places i've gone where both say that SatNavs (or Garmins as we say here, opting once again to use a brand name for a generic item) don't work. And, they don't. In both cases, they tell you to take roads that don't exist. In one case, the road was planned but never completed. The other is just enough off the beaten path, that it's easier to go through town and hang a left then a left. The SatNav has you avoiding town and climbing a hilly road that's partly paved, partly dirt, and almost guaranteeing you'll need a new suspension system in your car.

    Good luck finding the place. Third time might be a charm; or the fourth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well I found it - no thanks to an AA route-planner that had not been upgraded since they - recently - put in 4 new roundabouts. Interestingly, the traffic is all diverted right through Melksham town centre, which is the opposite of what normally happens, and what put me off yesterday.

      Delete
  6. There seems to be a serious sense of frustration setting in with your present project Tom. Stick to the candlesticks, I say.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't be so negative, Weave, or I will start finding something mad about your dream sequences. Let that be an end to the matter. (fat chance...)

      Delete
  7. You have Amish in England? Somehow I thought they were more of an American phenomenon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, we don't have Amish, and I'm sorry about that. I would have made it my ambition as a young man to ravish a plain women with no make-up in the back of her own horse-cart if we had, but - sadly - I had to make do with the back of a Ford Fiesta instead. At least she wasn't using a mobile telephone at the time.

      Delete
  8. I'm guessing your image of the Amish women may be influenced by "Witness." Um, they don't really look like Kelly McGillis (who I don't find atractive, but when compared to honest to god Amish....).

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm guessing your image of the Amish women may be influenced by "Witness." Um, they don't really look like Kelly McGillis (who I don't find atractive, but when compared to honest to god Amish....).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am just going on all the photos I have ever seen of them in the past - never seen 'Witness'.

      Delete