Congratulations to lovelygrey for the best nomination in the 'best wanker' category when nomination the old fool pictured above. Keep 'em coming.
I see that Mr Winner does not have to subscribe to the 'glass half full/empty' philosophy of life, because he drinks so much in the expensive restaurants that have all but bankrupted him, that he has no time to wait for a fresh glass to be provided between vintages. All he does is turn the old one upside-down.
I think I should say that the nominees for my 'wanker' awards can be either living or dead (or both, in Michael Winner's case), but I am not yet sure if it is possible to be a 'wanker' and be a woman. I'm not talking about simple 'bean-flicking' here - I am struggling to decide if wanky behaviour is limited to men only, because I cannot think of any females who fall naturally into that category.
We have all met very flippant and irritating women in our lives, but I don't think I have ever heard one referred to as a 'wanker'. You may be surprised to learn that I find it very offensive to refer to women as 'cunts' as well - even Sarah Palin - though I know many women who use that word when describing nasty men.
So, how should we describe Margaret Thatcher to our grandchildren when explaining who it was that caused all the horrible mess that they find themselves born into through no fault of their own?
Points will be awarded for the best suggestions for single-word descriptions of female wankers or cunts, and double points for completely new words which have not - as yet - made it into the Oxford English Dictionary.
You likely won't know who I'm talking about unless you're Canadian, which you're not, but Ben Mulroney is the biggest wanker on the planet. He's an entertainment show talking head, used to host Canadian Idol (a wanker rip-off if there ever was one) and also the son of a former prime minister, an evil dictator who introduced free trade and sent half our factories to Mexico, then devastated the railway and generally brought fear and loathing into our hearts. He was good friends with Margaret Thatcher, by the way... Anyway, at least he had evil courage. His son Ben is just a big fat useless tits-on-a-bull garden variety wanker.
ReplyDeleteOh - a wanker with a cunt for a father. Quite often the way, I am afraid.
DeleteI'll second that about Ben Mulroney.
DeleteI don't really refer to anyone with the C-word -- however, people like Jordan/Katie Price and Paris Hilton come close.
ReplyDeleteMy nomination for Wanker on the Planet goes to Tony Blair mostly for getting into bed with George Bush when he should have known better.
My favourite description of Margaret Thatcher is an old joke that came with the pound coin: The pound coin is to be called a 'Thatcher' because it is thick, brassy and thinks its a sovereign!
I wish Thatcher herself really had been thick, but she wasn't. Oh well, the time was right for her - and wrong for everyone else.
DeleteOver here we use the very special term of "douche bag" Not that I would ever say it out loud.
ReplyDeleteI've heard of 'Douche bag', and I quite like it. 'Shit-bag', or 'scum-bag' is a term for a talentless but unavoidable person here.
DeleteYes, 'wanker' never made it across the Pond, and the c-word is relegated only to women here so far as i know. However, as Donna pointed out, 'douche bag' is in use here, and it usually refers to men who exhibit wanker behaviour. I've also heard people shorten it to 'he's a douche'.
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm guessing Charlie Sheen would be a wanker? Forgot to add my nomination in the earlier comment.
ReplyDeleteHmm. Sheen... His father was ok, so - in accordance with the rules in England - I cannot allow your submission.
DeleteI'm touched by your agreement to my nomination. My colleagues and I had a lunchtime discussion about who best deserved the woman wanker award. It went jointly to Jordan and Vanessa Feltz. By the way did you know that Vanessa wrote a book of sex tips for girls called 'What Are These Strawberries Doing on My Nipples? I Need Them For The Fruit Salad!'?
ReplyDeleteThat's a book title which would have me rushing for the signing queue. Maybe I should write a book called, "What's this strawberry doing on my nose? I need it for my Pimms".
DeleteOh and Jonathan King just has to deserve a reward from you of some kind or other too! I'll let you choose.
ReplyDeleteWasn't he sent to the moon for offences involving children?
Deletenow I kind of like Mr Winner.... of course his films are shite...... of course his adverts are shite.... and at least his underpants are shite.... but he can be rather entertaining
ReplyDeleteI secretly agree with you, John, but don't tell anyone else please.
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