Tuesday, 29 May 2012


Don't worry - the competition is still running if you want to enter, but you know me, I don't like letting the grass grow under my feet and I just can't stop those itchy typing fingers, so here's a post which is all about that.

As I write, a women is blathering on the radio about how she manipulates the brain functions of her human subjects using a carefully concocted cocktail (try saying that fast) of drugs, and part of her research involved delving into the biological make-up of particularly marked attributes such as an entrepreneurial tendency - you know, we're talking Steve Jobs here.

She has worked out that these risk-takers don't just confine themselves to taking risks with their own or other people's money and well-being, it seems as though they took risks from an early age - probably before they could walk in childhood.

Then it all made sense - I had a sudden revelation as to the reason why I, at the age of 61, remain a complete and utter failure in life despite being naturally equipped with all the prerequisites for a glittering career in whatever profession or vocation that I could have chosen.

I never take any risks that I can avoid, save for breaking the speed limit on a road built for 70 MPH, but with a legal limit of 50 (grrr...  I flew past a police speed trap the other day, and am now waiting for the summons).  Belts and braces have been my downfall.

My mother told me that - unlike my elder brother - I would always look carefully up before clambering to my feet as a toddler, just in case there might be a hard object above which my head could make painful contact with, and - to all intents and purposes - I still have the same cautious attitude today, all these years later.  Well I suppose I am still alive, and that has got to count for something.

I heard someone say the other day,  "If you just aim for the moon, you will never reach the stars", and I thought,  'the moon's far enough away, isn't it?'

'Man cannot live by bread alone'.  Yes he can - I am the living proof.

I don't think you can be a successful jockey without having broken every bone in your body at least once, so I steer well clear of horses.  When there was a queue for second-helpings at school dinner times, I just stayed seated and hungry - I couldn't bear the degrading jostling that took place amongst the more competitive boys, so I stayed at 10 stone until the age of about 25 or so.

If I can see ahead to about two weeks, then I am perfectly happy.  Like I have said before, I am optimistic to a fault.

I heard of a group of anthropologists who went into an Amazonian jungle and introduced a wheel to a tribe of indians who seemed to have never thought of 'wheels' before.  They played with it for a day or so, then let it fall flat on the ground and walked away, having lost interest.  I know how they felt.


  1. Seeing as the trend is to hate everyone who is successful, I think maybe your (and my) attitude towards life is probably preferable.

    1. I don't hate successful people - they are my best customers.

  2. Nothing wrong with being 'careful' Tom.....and, it sounds as if you have been very successful in your chosen field, are very good at what you do and have had a very interesting life .
    I got 'done' for speeding last year and chose to go on the speed awareness course so as not to have the points on my license. It was actually very interesting so, if you find that letter dropping through your letterbox, I advise you go for the course if it's offered to you.
    Answer to quiz: FRENCH DENTIST.

  3. There is no need for everyone to be ambitious: it often only leads to fame, which is no substitute for quietness. But what about the dangerous jobs, the big wave and the child in the pushchair? Who was that person?

  4. I love that last paragraph, but having read it I am astonished that you get a thrill from breaking the speed limit - on wheels!

  5. Rusk-Takers... now there's a thought...