Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
Don't worry - the competition is still running if you want to enter, but you know me, I don't like letting the grass grow under my feet and I just can't stop those itchy typing fingers, so here's a post which is all about that.
As I write, a women is blathering on the radio about how she manipulates the brain functions of her human subjects using a carefully concocted cocktail (try saying that fast) of drugs, and part of her research involved delving into the biological make-up of particularly marked attributes such as an entrepreneurial tendency - you know, we're talking Steve Jobs here.
She has worked out that these risk-takers don't just confine themselves to taking risks with their own or other people's money and well-being, it seems as though they took risks from an early age - probably before they could walk in childhood.
Then it all made sense - I had a sudden revelation as to the reason why I, at the age of 61, remain a complete and utter failure in life despite being naturally equipped with all the prerequisites for a glittering career in whatever profession or vocation that I could have chosen.
I never take any risks that I can avoid, save for breaking the speed limit on a road built for 70 MPH, but with a legal limit of 50 (grrr... I flew past a police speed trap the other day, and am now waiting for the summons). Belts and braces have been my downfall.
My mother told me that - unlike my elder brother - I would always look carefully up before clambering to my feet as a toddler, just in case there might be a hard object above which my head could make painful contact with, and - to all intents and purposes - I still have the same cautious attitude today, all these years later. Well I suppose I am still alive, and that has got to count for something.
I heard someone say the other day, "If you just aim for the moon, you will never reach the stars", and I thought, 'the moon's far enough away, isn't it?'
'Man cannot live by bread alone'. Yes he can - I am the living proof.
I don't think you can be a successful jockey without having broken every bone in your body at least once, so I steer well clear of horses. When there was a queue for second-helpings at school dinner times, I just stayed seated and hungry - I couldn't bear the degrading jostling that took place amongst the more competitive boys, so I stayed at 10 stone until the age of about 25 or so.
If I can see ahead to about two weeks, then I am perfectly happy. Like I have said before, I am optimistic to a fault.
I heard of a group of anthropologists who went into an Amazonian jungle and introduced a wheel to a tribe of indians who seemed to have never thought of 'wheels' before. They played with it for a day or so, then let it fall flat on the ground and walked away, having lost interest. I know how they felt.