Wednesday, 2 May 2012

A is for...


Talking of sleep, I have been waking up before dawn recently, and finding it difficult to go back to it.  So I tried a little experiment a few nights ago, along the lines of 'counting sheep'.

The task I set myself to begin with was to name one town in Britain for every letter of the alphabet -  A: Aberdeen,  B: Bristol, etc.  It only worked when I got to J, as the only town I could think of in Britain which begins with that letter was Jarrow, and I fell asleep trying to think of others.  The next day, I asked friends if they could think of any, and after a long pause, one of them said that he believed there was a town in Scotland called Jedburgh, but I had never heard of it.  He pronounced it 'Jedberg', but I'm sure that if it does exist, it would be pronounced in the same way that everyone except Americans say 'Edinburgh'.

The next night when I woke up, I used the alphabet to name fruit and vegetables, which was a little more difficult.  It all goes fine at the beginning and end (Apples, Zucchini) but all falls apart somewhere around 'G'.  I think that ancient man was very lazy when naming things, settling for the for the beginning of the alphabet with almost everything on the surface of the earth - or at least this part of the surface.

Then last night, I played the same game, but this time I found sexual slang words, or pet names for body-parts - anything that a schoolboy would find amusing - and my faith in human ingenuity was restored.  Two or three dirty words for every letter of the alphabet came effortlessly tripping off my tongue, and I kept myself awake through quietly laughing in the dark.  I eventually went back to sleep with a smile on my face.

Try it - it works, and you would be amazed at your own secret vocabulary.  I also guarantee that you will not quickly arrive at 'G' without laughing out loud.

16 comments:

  1. I think that John & Chris might come up with a better way of getting off to sleep !!
    What word did you get for the letter X ?

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    1. X is - I admit - difficult without the training in Classical Greek. I ended up last night settling for 'XXX' - and they are not kisses but a rating.

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  2. Ha ha! I have an image of you in my minds eye. I love the thought of going to sleep with a smile on my face.

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    1. I love the idea of me going to sleep with a smile on your face too, Suzanne.

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  3. Lady M's people lived at Jarvis Brook.... and what about John O'Groats (does that count); can't think of any more! Happy Delving.

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    1. Two very good selections which did not occur to me in the night. Thanks.

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  4. I often play alphabet games in my head - when I can't sleep, driving along, I used to play them as a child with my parents. I must say I don't know enough rude words to get far into the alphabet though! I can't think of any more J's either and am too lazy to get out the Atlas.

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    1. My sister - an ex nurse - told me that the words coming from the mouths of sweet old ladies coming round from anaesthetic could be shocking, so I don't believe you, Weaver.

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  5. This might just be a good exercise on the plane tonight -- as long as I don't talk aloud!

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    1. Strap yourself in to avoid sleep walking.

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  6. I just tried it. But I got so excited by the time I got to "C" that I had to quite. Not a game I should be playing while at work!
    m.

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    1. 'Quite' what? I don't think you should be playing it at home either, with all those sweet kids.

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  7. Agreed Jacqueline - what did you come up with for the letter X Tom?

    Let me know asap Tom as I'm sure I'll need to insult someone with a word beginning with 'x' sooner or later...

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    1. Xenomenia: menstruation from abnormal orifices. (Ok, I looked it up. Find your own in future, you lazy XXXX.

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  8. This made me laugh...I'm trying it...

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    1. When you do try it Tess, can you give us the option of an audio clip to you hear you try it out loud? That would be a real gift.

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