Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Monday, 14 May 2012
The final frontier
For I don't know how long, a pigeon has been trapped in the sealed-off fireplace behind our cooker in the kitchen, and occasionally flutters about as we can hear from the louvred vent half way up the wall. It will take a week or two to die, and short of demolishing the wall, there is nothing we can do about it except pray for it's swift demise in as peaceful way as possible.
This has happened a couple of times in the past 35 or so years. A dumb bird will sit on top of the chimney pot, look down it and wonder if it would make a good nesting place, so hops down to take a look. That is the last hop it ever makes, and it finds itself sitting on top of at least three other corpses of birds which have made the same mistake. I think it is a very slow Darwinian process, so maybe some good comes out of it.
In the past, when the pigeon finally dies, a nasty smell comes from the vent which lasts for a few days, then everything goes back to normal. I did think of getting a bottle of Co2 and filling the chimney with it. This would perform two functions - asphyxiating the bird and ending the process quicker, and ridding the space of oxygen so that it does not stink the place out afterwards.
It's a shame it is always the kitchen fireplace they choose for their suicide.