Thursday, 10 May 2012

999 - 666


You know how, sometimes, absolutely everything becomes utter shit, and not the normal 99% that is usually is?  Well last night was one of those moments for me.

I was going to try to list the things which either went wrong, or started out wrong right from the beginning, but there are so many that - in the light of a new morning - I now realise that they number so many that all must have been some sort of projection be me onto my external surroundings.  The only other explanation would involve an egocentric belief that God had - in a bored moment - singled me out for a bit of light entertainment in the same way that you tickle a girl's nose with a blade of grass as she lies in a sunny meadow, trying to relax.

Try as I did, telling myself that the rain wasn't falling on my head only, and that there were plenty of other people being vexed by far greater things last night had no effect at all, so I just went to bed.

I can't say that everything is alright this morning, but I have a little more energy to cope with it (I'm beginning to sound like some camp theatrical type now, flaring my nostrils and carrying on with the show...), because - after all - it is the pettiness of it all which really got to me.

There again, can you describe the weather-system which is about 3000 miles across and  screaming around in circles above our heads right now as 'petty'?  Maybe not, but it only took one drip of rain to fall down the back of my glamorous assistant's neck the other day, to make him slam down his tools, get into his car and fuck off home without a word to me.  No explanation was necessary.

There was no escape available on the radio last night either.  Everything was either all about politics and finance, desperate medical advice, or 1960s drama which I have already heard about 6 times since they were first recorded.

I stayed up until the 10.00 o'clock news, and the most entertaining thing was the sound of Barak Obama trying to force words out of his mouth which had been stuffed into it by his press advisors only an hour or two before.

In a protracted, tortured and utterly insincere fashion, he finally managed to say through gritted teeth that - after consulting his family - that he... personally... had come to the...  err... understanding that...  err... gay marriage was sort of OK.  There!  That wasn't so bad was it?!

Being a Democrat's Democrat, he was not allowed to say that he had - through prayer - consulted God over the matter, so he had to go to his beautiful wife and two pretty teenage daughters instead.  He is the President of the fucking United Sates of America isn't he?  He can think what he likes about gay marriage can't he?  Obviously not.  Well, not if he wants to win the next election he can't.

I suppose that his wife and daughters also reminded him that many gay people fought many wars alongside their straight comrades, in order to keep The Land Of The Free, free, as well.  Easy to forget, what with all the pressures of work, eh?  Gays can kill people just as well as straights, remember.  They kill each other on a daily basis, after all.

Part of Mr President's workload right now is pushing through a bill which makes it illegal for bosses to demand the password of their employee's Facebook accounts, so they can read whatever they like about their staff without becoming a 'friend'.

Yes, you heard correctly.  In The Land Of The Free, it is currently legal for any employer to demand access to any private emails or social network accounts, on pain of dismissal for a refusal to provide the information - in all but ONE State.

In Grouchy's State, he tells us that it is legal to marry your own cousin, just so long as he/she is not gay.

I have no strong feelings about gay marriage whatsoever.  There again, I have no strong feelings about straight marriage either.  If someone wants to get married to someone else, then that is their business.  Why should your tax-relief in relation to marriage status be affected by the shape of your genitals anyway?  It would all work out the same in the end, especially since there is reputed to be a shortage of women in the western world right now - well, good-looking ones anyway!

I suppose that I am just not Christian enough, but I am not running for office, so it doesn't really matter.

11 comments:

  1. Are you up to 1000 yet? I've lost count.

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    1. The title will give you a clue, Judith. Tomorrow's the big day.

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  2. Whoops, just noticed the subject line. Silly me. I'll have another glass of red, please.

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    1. And I've only just noticed this comment too - without red wine!

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  3. I glad someone else thought O'Barmy sounded 'slightly' insincere. I think someone (probably a gay man) was squeezing his testicles as he spoke!!!

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    1. Political ambition is gender-blind. It could have been a hermaphrodite squeezing his nuts.

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  4. I must say no one rants quite as well as you. I found myself breathlessly reading through waiting for you to tell us what was really pissing you off. The glamourous assistant line made me grin, by the way. I do sincerely hope today gets better for you. And how can it not with post 1,000 hot on your fingertips? Here's hoping there is cake to go with those magic words!

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  5. I think the weather's made us all a bit mad.

    And it's hard to speak one word of sincerity of one speaks out of both sides of his mouth. I've not met any successful politician who doesn't use both sides.

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  6. Crikey Tom ..... 1000 posts ..... that's pretty huge.I'm sure that there is a trophy being engraved, as we speak, with your name on it. What time does the party start and shall I bring a bottle ? Hope you will be more in the party mood tomorrow and not feeling utter shit !

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  7. Yes, tomorrow. The sun will shine tomorrow. From the sublime to the ridiculous, just a step as Napoleon said, and I love reading your take on it every day. But tomorrow...what an anniversary. Wishing you a wonderful time. If that's what you want.

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  8. Thanks all - I am feeling a little ill tonight - I think that's what caused last night's collapse. I had to leave work early, and I am very sensitive to noise, which figures with last night. I am going to try another early night and see if I can both hit the 1000 spot, and my birthday. Tomorrow is also another deadline, because I have to finish the pear-tree carving too. Maybe it's stress? (don't laugh)

    Maybe I will have to leave it until the evening before I reply to you all. We'll see!

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