Friday, 6 April 2012

In God We Trust


Ok, I took down last night's post by popular request, and now replace it with a much fluffier one, as illustrated by the above photo.

A few years ago, I was intrigued by the word 'FLUFFY' which was chalked on the pavement in various parts of town, all by the same hand.  Then a week or so back, I looked out of the window of our compact but adorable city apartment, and saw it chalked on the road below - in the same handwriting.

This photo was taken in a different part of town, and I started thinking that 'Fluffy' might be some pet-name for a boy/girlfriend, and their birthday had come up again.  The truth was just as mundane.

I now think it is the name of a comedy act who performed at a recent festival here (I think it's still in progress) and this graffiti is simply cheap advertising.  I like it.  When I Googled up 'fluffy' on the net, I got a picture of a rather ample black woman with very few clothes on - a thong disappearing twixt the cheeks of her backside -  appearing to be trying to lay an Easter egg.  Maybe I should have gone to the show after all.


You may remember that I am in the long and tedious process of carving a decorative panel for a huge, stone fireplace, depicting a 17th century (NOT 'Arts and Crafts') motif of pears on the branch.  My customer asked me how it was going the other day, and I replied that "... it's all going pear-shaped."  He did not seem to get the joke and I now regret making it - I think I cursed the job.  The piece of stone in the centre of the above photo is the header (lintol) of the fire-surround, and it is huge, weighing not far off half a ton.  My glamorous assistant and I turned it over on monday, and after we had done that, he discovered...



... this potentially catastrophic crack (or 'crick' as it is known in the trade) running through it - right in the middle which takes the most strain and weight.

This crick (a 'crick' is naturally formed, and a 'crack' is caused by shock or trauma - or both) stayed undiscovered for so long because the block has been lying face down on a palette since before Christmas, and we only now started to work on it.

Luckily, not much work had been done, so it is now a case of waiting for a replacement block to be cut, but this may take some time because it is so long, and it is Easter.  I had to reject it for safety's sake - you would not want one half to fall on you as you warm your toes against a crackling log fire.

If you thought last night's post was depressing, you should have looked out of our window a minute or two ago.  I heard a low moaning sound of a handful of people listlessly singing a hymn, then saw a group of dishevelled Christians shuffling up the street, the one in the lead carrying a large wooden cross.

Talking of Health and Safety, two of them were wearing fluorescent Hi -Viz jackets.  Trust in God, but beware of the traffic.

17 comments:

  1. I actually liked the last post, o dark one. Suited my taste for the dirge. Shoulda left a comment saying so before it disappeared into the etherbin.
    The stone that Tom Stephenson rejected ...

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    1. I wrote it with you in mind, Sarah. You're my kinda gal - no cupcakes involved.

      I read Iain Banks's book about whiskey recently, and in it he mentions a signing he had to attend, where a buyer accused him of having a horrible childhood. He pointed to his grey-haired old mother, and told the person to ask her. She said Iain was a 'happy wee child'.

      You don't have to be dark to write about darkness, but try telling others about that.

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  2. Allo allo Sunshine, and where did we find that cross; in the local churchyard I suppose!

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    1. It will be planted on the highest hill around by now.

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  3. You? Caved to pressure? After making a lighthearted comment about the last post I worried about you all night, Glad you are back this am "Fluffy"

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    1. Well, I did have a lot of strange dreams last night, but I grew out of nightmares when I was a kid. I am more worried about being accused of a drunken person than anything else these days, true or not true.

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  4. I so regret not getting to the 'Lost Post' in time -- my bad luck. My eldest son and his best friend decided to remove the iron tiled inset in the original marble fireplace in the room I now sit. He really was trying to help! He took it out and as soon as he had -- the lintel dropped and broke into five or six pieces -- which, being a dopey teenager at the time, he thought he could glue back together with super glue!

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    1. Dopey bloody teenager indeed. At least it didn't kill him. That story is gone forever now, but it matures in my head anyway, and will doubtless return - like all the others.

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  5. cracks in stone - never thought of that.
    You removing a post Tom? I don't believe it - I thought you dared to say anything and everything and never cracked under pressure - only stone cracks, not you.

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    1. I almost remove EVERY post I put up, until I get responses like these, Weaver. Needy - that's what I am. If I don't look at my stats, I start to think I am talking to myself. At least I don't have to type when I talk to myself - all I need to do is pretend I am on the telephone in the street.

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  6. Sorry i also missed the "gone but not forgotten" post. Can the stone with the crick in it be used for something else? or is there danger than other cricks will make themselves known?

    You seem to be a man of many talents,
    megan

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    1. Yes, I have many talents, but - sadly - you will never discover them all I think.

      At £70 per cubic foot, the stone will be used for something else, but not in one piece. There is only one crick, and that should have been spotted ages ago. Hey Ho.

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  7. There was a man in Sydney who wrote 'Eternity' in perfect copperplate in chalk on footpaths everywhere. It became a bit of a later day cult. Apparently he was a vagabond.

    I remember a Christmas visit to some happy clappers a few years ago in one of the the outer suburbs of Sydney. They gave out Eternity stickers of the same signature.
    The original artist must have thought they were cranks.

    The house I've just moved out of had that sticker, 'eternity', in the front window door. I meant to peel it off and attach it to my car before I left. Damn. Forgot.

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    1. Never mind. It will be there forever.

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  8. NOBODY IS LEAVING UNTIL I FIND OUT WHICH FOLLOWER HAS JUMPED SHIP!

    I'm guessing it was a Christian. I'm turning the other cheek...

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  9. I thought the "Table Rapping" story was rather good, I liked it.

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    1. Oh, thanks Judith. I'll see if the waste- paper bin has been emptied yet.

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